Back from Vacation

Yes, I am back - but can’t seem to catch up!  Thank you for emails making sure I am  still alive!

Vacation Break

We will return to regular scheduled programming after a vacation break.  See you in a few!

Vintage Cookbook Centerfold of the Week

This gorgeous photograph is courtesy of The Betty Crocker Dinner for Two cookbook, 1964.  I love how dinners in the 60s seem to be made of completely random dishes thrown together to imply some sort of “texture” and “color” composition.  Like, what the hell kind of dinner is this?  

Meatballs, Au Gratin Potatoes, Beets in Orange Sauce, Green Peas & Cheese Salad and Pineapple Marshmallow Creme, that’s what! 

I think we had these Corelle dishes when I was a kid.  Or at least something like them.  These would have gone perfectly in our Harvest Gold and Avocado Green kitchen.

Dear Real Housewives NYC: Please Be On Forever

I’ve never really been into “reality” shows - except maybe the cooking ones like Top Chef and Hell’s Kitchen.  I kind of like those “flip the house” shows too, but I could take or leave them.  But, lo and behold, I’ve fallen in love with a Bravo show, and a remake at that.  Yes, it’s embarrassing, but I love love love Real Housewives of New York City.  (I never liked the Orange County one - so go figure.)

This group is absolutely hysterical and awful… the not-so-friendly-to-eachother group consists of: (in order l to r above)

• Crass-N-Plastic-Bug-Eyed Ramona
• Regular-Neighborhood-Girl-Gone-Good Jill
• I’m-A-Countess-And-Don’t-You-Forget-It LuAnn
• Crazy-In-The-Eyes I-Want-A-Baby Bethenny

and my personal favorite:

• Completely-Oblivious-Out-Of-Her-League-Social-Climber Alex

I can’t get enough of this show.  There are only six episodes and next week is the season finale and I’m not sure what I am going to do! 

For those of you that watch, last week Alex and her completely annoying husband got all gussied up and went to the opening of the Met, just to walk the red carpet and perhaps get noticed and “network.”  Well, they left too late and traffic was bad, and at one point they had to get out of the limo and hoof it a few long city blocks to the Met themselves.  Not exactly the fine entrance they were looking for.  And, the paparazzi couldn’t have cared less - although the back of her dress did make the Style page in the NYT. (If you’ve seen Alex, you’d understand that the back of her is probably her best side.)

One time my husband and I were staying at the Delano in South Beach for New Years Eve.  We had gone out to dinner and then because we were guests of the hotel, we were allowed back in for the party later that night.  As we were crossing the street to go into the side entrance to the hotel, there was a small group of paparazzi across the street on the lookout for any “stars.”  As we crossed, I noticed that there were a few flashes in our direction, followed by a bellowing voice that said, “HEY… THAT’S NOBODY!”

Exactly.  Alex, do you see what I am saying here?

Dear Bravo, please renew this show forever.

An Open Letter to the Guy that Wipes My Car Down with Damp Towels after I Get a Car Wash

Dear Sir,

I’m sorry that I drove away really fast from the automatic car wash when you tried to dry my car with your damp, dirty towels.  It wasn’t that I don’t want you wiping my car down with those greasy towels and get those pesky drops of water that the giant blow dryer doesn’t get, it’s just that I know you expect a few bucks for the privilege and I didn’t have any cash on me.

I saw your big brown eyes of confusion/disappointment as I hit the gas right after the big blinky sign in the car wash went from red to green  -  okaying my getaway.  I had been planning it for a few minutes when I first saw you on the other side of the giant blue soapy sponges.

I knew I had no cash, but when the automatic fuel pump asked me if I wanted a Super Wash for $8.00, who I am I to say no?  Plus, I come from a land where you dry your car from the automatic car wash by driving very fast for a few blocks, not by a human being.  This must be some strange Chicago thing that I can’t get used to, even after 18 years.

So, in conclusion, please accept my apology for not using your services - maybe next time.

Sincerely, 

Tiffany

My Dog is “Obese”

Meet Miles.  He just went to the vet a few days ago and our vet called him obese!  He has gained 15 pounds in 18 months.  What happened?  We don’t know.  He’s only 5 years old and normally the Quimby the Food-Obsessed Lab beats him to any stray food in the area.  Maybe since Quimby is now a senior citizen, he’s not as quick as he used to be and Miles gets the benefits.  So, poor Miles is now on a diet and has been walking with me for extra exercise.

He looks embarrassed.  Not as embarrassed as we were when the vet asked, “What did you do to him?” like we’ve been force feeding him Krispy Kremes for the past year.  I knew he was a little bigger these days, but had no idea.  I should have figured something was up when I ordered a new dog bed for him a few months ago and the Medium was too small.  I had to send it back for a Large.

Once I switched dog foods for Quimby and didn’t bother to read the new label and it turned out I was giving 3x what I was supposed to be giving him.  I didn’t notice anything was wrong until a few months later when one of my friends mentioned that he was looking a little chunky.  He had gained 20 lbs. and I hadn’t even noticed!

This isn’t quite as bad, but it’s close.  I should be the one who’s embarrassed.

Sorry, Miles.

Mama’s Meatloaf (For Real)

Yes, this is my Mother’s actual Meatloaf recipe.  Again, I thought that this was an old family recipe handed down for generations, until I found it in the 1964 Betty Crocker’s New Dinner for Two Cookbook.  I love this meatloaf.  But, it’s not traditional meatloaf at all - it’s very sweet and does not slice but rather crumbles all over your plate.  Since this is what I grew up on, all other traditional meatloaves mean nothing to me.  This is the one I crave.  

Also, our table never looked like this.  We never had a plate of squash and daisies as a side dish.  We certainly didn’t drink coffee with dinner.  We used to drink out of McDonald’s Collector Glasses.  (Grimace was my favorite.)

Here is the recipe - try it - it’s yummy.

MOM’S MEATLOAF (via Betty Crocker)

1/2 lb. Ground Beef
1/4 lb. Ground Pork
1 ½ slices Wonder Bread, torn in pieces
½ cup Milk
1 Egg, beaten
2 tbs. Minced Onion
½ tsp. Salt
¼ tsp. Pepper
¼ tsp. Dry Mustard
¼ tsp. Celery Salt
¼ tsp. Garlic Salt
1 ½ tsp. Worcestershire Sauce
Ketchup

Heat oven to 350°.  Mix all ingredients together thoroughly.  Shape into two loaves in a shallow baking pan.  Spread ketchup over top.  Bake one hour.
 

The Best Cookie in the World (Sorry - No Recipe)

I have a good friend who seriously makes the best cookies in the world.  They are hard and crumbly, but with just enough softness in the middle to make them absolutely perfect.  Her best cookie flavor is Chocolate Chip, but over the years she has made new favorites with oatmeal raisin, butterscotch, peanut butter, and my personal favorite - - oatmeal chocolate chip.

These cookies are so good, that you literally cannot eat just one.  They are so good that she gives them out for presents at birthdays, and it’s always the best present you get.  They are so good that seeing a plateful gives me a happy feeling that no other sweet thing can.

I have told the baker that she should quit her day job and sell these cookies for a living.  She could be the next Mrs. Fields!  These cookies are 100x better than Mrs. Fields.  (Plus, my friend is way cooler than Mrs. Fields could ever hope to be.)  No one makes cookies like these.  No one understands the greatness of the perfect hard/soft cookie except her, and those of us who are lucky enough to get them.

No, she doesn’t give out the recipe or tell us where it came from.  All I know is that I’ve been getting these from her for 15 years now, and they are better now than ever.  Oh, and that they have lard as an ingredient.  (Well, she told me that, but maybe she was just trying to throw me off from trying to figure out the recipe for myself.)  And, if you think the regular ones are good, try eating them right out of the freezer!

Long Live the Patti Cookie!!!!!!

 

Get Your Butt(s) out of the Road

So I’m driving home from running some errands today and I stop at a busy intersection and happen to look out the window.  This is basically what I saw.  (I did not take this picture, but it’s the same thing.)  What kind of sheltered life have I lived that I never noticed the 10 billion cigarette butts on the ground?  WTF?

 

My mother has told me before that when she was a kid they didn’t think twice about throwing garbage out the window.   in fact, one of my family’s favorite stories was when my mom was sitting in the front seat of the car  and threw her half finished milkshake cup out the window, and it went in the back in through the back window and hit her brother in the head.  Then, hilarity ensued.  Now, doesn’t this story seem completely outrageous today?  Somehow this outrage hasn’t caught on when it comes to cigarette butts?

 

I have nothing against smokers.  If you want to smoke, hooray for you. But, how can you be so rude as to just toss them out the window when you’re done?  What if I tossed each bottle of rum out the window when I was done with it?  (There’d be a hell of a lot of rum bottles on the road, that’s what!)

 

People, come on.  This is just nasty.  Plus, they never go away.  Get your butts outta the road!

Buried in Work

I know… I’ve been a bad blogger lately.  I am way behind on my work.  

 

As they say in the Caribbean:  More Blog Soon Come!