A Man After My Own Heart

 

Well, he was –  until I realized that I don’t think he likes girls.  Or anybody, really.  I think his one and only love is Macaroni & Cheese.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

When I was flat broke and living downtown by myself, I used to be too poor for the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.  I remember I used to have to buy the TownHouse brand, which really tasted like crap compared to the one-and-only blue box.  But, the TownHouse was like 35 cents per box while the Kraft was like 75 cents,  and when you’re literally buying a weeks worth of groceries with $10 it makes a difference.

Also, what up with people who make their Kraft Macaroni & Cheese all soupy?  Follow the goddamn directions – it’s only a 1/4 cup of milk!  It’s not fucking soup – it’s Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner!  They paid a boatload of Macaroni & Cheese scientists a bunch of money to come up with the perfect butter & milk ratio for their powdered bliss, and the least you could do is follow the recipe on the box, okay? And, while I’m on the subject – don’t buy the stupid shapes and stuff.  Scooby Doo?  Dinosaurs?  SpongeBob SquarePants?  No, no and no.  Only the original elbow Mac & Cheese is the correct Mac & Cheese.  Got it?

I wonder if this dweeb has a TownHouse brand box?  And, does he eat all this Macaroni & Cheese? If I did, I would weigh about 500 lbs.

 Yes, I’m jealous.