I’m Off for a Week (or so….)

Well – I am off for a week on St. John with five girlfriends for a trip we have tried to schedule for years.  I am planning on sitting by the pool or beach with a Rum & Diet in hand for pretty much any time I am not sleeping, so I may not be blogging too much, if at all. (or if I do, it may not make much sense.)  

Anyway, here is my new favorite guy to keep you company while I am away.

Enjoy!

United Airlines Thinks it’s 1984

So I receive a confirmation email to my trip to St. John and it has me going into Harry S. Truman airport in St. Thomas.  One problem:  It hasn’t been called Harry S Truman airport since 1984 when it was renamed Cyril E King airport.

I suppose that in United’s world they sit around and watch Dynasty while playing Trivial Pursuit and listening to that newfangled Madonna –  all while maintaining their databases with a brand spanking new Apple Macintosh.

Dumbasses.

Geico: KASH. Yes, It Cracks Me Up.

 

It’s totally stupid.  I don’t care. I wish I’d thought of it.

Oh, and he has a twitter.  He doesn’t say anything.  

Brilliant.

This is Why Food Stylists Get the Big Buck$$

 

I ran across this website today, and it made me chuckle.  Yes, they pay people to “style” food – and there’s a reason they get the big bucks to do it.  Can you imagine taking a crappy Beef & Cheddar and making it look delicious and appetizing?  (That’s a Whopper above, by the way.)  The dichotomy between the two specimens is quite entertaining.  I can vouch for what a hard profession this is – I am currently working on an amateur cookbook, and the hardest part is the food photography.  Things that look great on a plate to my eye looks like barf on a platter when photographed wrong – and all the Photoshop tricks in the world can’t save it.

I want to know how one becomes a Food Stylist?  I’m surprised that the lame ITT Tech schools advertised on TV during the day haven’t picked up on that one – like they have with Harley Davidson Technician, Fashion Designer, Medical Transcriber, TV/VCR Repair, Truck Driver, Cordon Bleu Chef, and – of course – Graphic Designer.

Ads vs. Reality

Just Pointing Out…

That my #1 Read Blog Post has been “Steak & Blowjob Day March 14″ for the past two weeks.  That’s a week before Valentine’s Day had even happened…  Methinks this holiday is catching on, you dirty dogs, you.

Island Food: Conch Fritters Recipe

I love island food.  Mahi Sandwiches, Funghi, Pates, Johnny Cakes and of course, conch fritters.  If you ever have some extra conch lying around, well – now you know what to do with it.  These go particularly well with Painkillers.

Best place on St. John for Conch Fritters: Shipwreck Landing, Coral Bay

TRADITIONAL CONCH FRITTERS

1 lb conch meat (You might get away with this recipe by using minced clams – but it won’t be the same)
1/2 large onion, chopped
2 stalks celery
1/2  tsp. red pepper
1/2 cup green pepper, chopped
Salt to taste
1 egg
1/3 cup self rising cornmeal
1/3 cup flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 cup buttermilk
1/4 tsp hot sauce (or to taste)

Put conch through food grinder or food processor.  Process with onion, celery, red and green pepper and mix with conch, adding salt and egg.  Mix well.  Mix together cornmeal, flour and baking powder.  Add conch mixture.  Mixture should be thick.  Add buttermilk and hot sauce.  Drop by heaping tablespoon into deep oil until light brown. Drain.  Serve with dipping sauce of mayonnaise, hot sauce and fresh lime juice.

Bring on the Chemicals

Okay, so recently I bought some “silverware by the pound” from a catalog.  Basically, it’s just old estate silverware that’s been cleaned up and mixed together, then organized into groups – and you buy the groups by the pound.  So I got rid of all  my old flatware and replaced it all with said silverware.  Well, as usual, I didn’t think this through past the “cool” factor – as I realized after the first day that I can’t just throw this stuff in the dishwasher like everything else.  (I figured that out when I took them out of the dishwasher and they were all tarnished and stuff.  I’m quick that way.)

So everything I read leads me to believe that the problem is not really with the dishwasher, but with the dishwashing soap.  I guess those little dishwashing tabs have all sorts of harsh chemicals and stuff in them – go figure.  According to my research, I need to use “natural” dishwashing soaps free of chlorine and phosphates.  No problem  - I can get clean silverware and look cool as I buy my dishwashing soap at Whole Foods.

One problem:  These lame-o “natural” products don’t get dishes clean, which I thought was kind of the idea of dishwashing soap.  It’s not that they don’t get them clean enough – I mean they don’t get the dishes clean at all.  (And, no – I’m not one of those people that just throws the dishes in without rinsing them so that I need a garbage disposal in my dishwasher.)  I think if I ran the dishwasher with no soap at all it may have done a better job.   Oh, and you get to pay twice as much for the privilege of “being green.”  I’ve been trying this for two months and used two different brands. Needless to say, I have now given up and have reverted back to the good old Cascade and will be washing the silverware by hand.

Sometimes you just need some good, strong chemicals, my friend. LONG LIVE CHLORINE AND PHOSPHATES.

Search of the Day

Somebody typed this is to get to my blog, according to my Search logs:
 ケンタッキー　コールスロー.

Airport Bars of the World: CUN

CANCUN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, Cancún, Qunitana Roo, Mexico
Air Margaritaville 
Located in Terminal 3

It’s fairly obvious when you enter Terminal 3 in the Cancun Airport that it is fairly new and completely skewed toward the American tourist.  I was hoping to get some good Mexican food as a last stop before returning home, but alas – there was only one Mexican-themed  outlet in the “food court” area, and it looked more like Taco Bell than actual Mexican food.  I chose to pass.  There’s also a Panda Chinese food-type company which, for some odd reason, people were lined up ten deep for.  Really?  Panda crap Chinese in the Mexico airport?  I found the whole thing a very sad exercise in the study of what Americans want.  In fact, I noticed there were no magazine or book stands.  What, we don’t read?

Anyway – of course we needed a drink – and in the middle of the terminal is a huge Margaritaville restaurant, courtesy of Mr. Jimmy Buffett.  Okay, I know some people will be angry with me – but Jimmy Buffett is such a marketing whore who seems he will put his name on anything that comes with a paycheck.  He reminds me of Krusty the Clown who “Heartily Endorses this Event or Product!”  How much money can this guy amass?  

It seems everyplace I go has a fucking Margaritaville.  (For the record, there are Margaritavilles in Las Vegas, Key West, Orlando, Panama City Beach, New Orleans, Glendale, AZ, Myrtle Beach, Montego Bay, Ocho Rios, Negril, Grand Turk, Cayman Islands, Cancun, Cozumel and Mohegan Sun, CT.  Yes, Connecticut.) Also, this doesn’t count the Cheeseburger in Paradise chain, which has another 37 locations in the US.  Sheesh.

Anyway, we went to the Air Margaritaville and sat at the bar.  I had a cheeseburger, which admittedly, wasn’t bad.  I was more in awe of the sheer size and business of the location.  It was jam-packed from the time we got there until we left.  Every table was filled, and there was a line out the door.  It was crazy – I can’t even imagine how much liquor that place goes through on any given day considering their margaritas are 30 oz. each and people were consuming a couple at a time.  The place isn’t cheap – especially after I had been used to 40 cent beers and $35 three-course meals from the week before.  But overall, it’s nothing special. If you want a nice, quiet, secret bar – there is a tiny three-seater across from Gate 22.  I found this out when it was too late.

Plusses: Giant drinks, good food
Minuses: Crowded, expensive, it’s a fucking Margaritaville

A T-RATING® of 3 out of 5

My New Favorite Website

 

This is Why You’re Fat is my new favorite website.  The collection of disgusting – but yet strangely alluring – dining options  (which mostly seem to be in the United States, of course) may be the motivation I need to try and stick to eating things that are good for you.  If you want to see pictures of bacon-shelled tacos, deep-fried coca-cola and my personal favorite – the “romelette” (and omelette made out of Top Ramen,) then this is the place for you.

thisiswhyyourefat.com

(Extra points for them using the correct form of “you’re” in the title and the domain name!)