Subway and Their Stupid Combo Meal

My subway sandwich looks nothing like this!

I have to admit, I do like Subway. When I’m running around and need to pick up something quick, at least I feel that it is a little healthier than, say, a double whopper at Burger King. I go there quite a bit, and always get – you guessed it – a turkey sandwich! But, there’s a problem. I don’t want the stupid chips, but I do want a drink. You would think this is the end of the fucking universe when I tell them that at the end of the line. It usually goes something like this:

Subway Guy: You want the combo?
Me: No thanks. Just a drink.
Subway Guy: But it’s cheaper with the combo.
Me: I know, but I don’t want the chips.
Subway Guy: But you get the chips for cheaper!
Me: (Annoyed) Yes, I know, but I don’t want them!
Subway Guy: You don’t want chips? Even if it’s two dollars more if you don’t get them?
Me: No!!! Hey, why don’t you give me the combo price and I just won’t take the chips?
Subway Guy:(Shocked that I would ask such a question) No, I can’t do that. You have to take the chips or I have to charge you.
Me: What? Why? That makes no sense!
Subway Guy: That’s just the way it is.

Now one of two things happen – I get pissed, refuse the chips and get charged extra. Or, I take the Combo and then the chips and then I throw them away because I really don’t want the Goddamn chips, OK? I’m not just kidding and I really want them and I need them to coax me in to it. I don’t want them! I DON’T WANT THEM!

But, I feel guilty about throwing them away when I do that. I guess I could give them to someone there, but that seems weird walking around saying “Hey, want these chips?” It’s kind of like reverse panhandling. I don’t want to take them home because if I don’t want them in the first place, I certainly don’t want to take them home with me later! WTF?

I don’t even understand the logic of this setup from a business sense. Why charge people for not buying something? It makes no sense. Aren’t you really just hurting yourself with this insane practice? Aren’t you really losing money on the people who are getting the combo? If it’s an incentive to buy the combo, then give the fucking chips away for free and make it the same price if I take them or not. Someone explain what I am missing here.

Meanwhile, I guess I’ll just shove the chips into a mailbox or something near the Subway. Maybe the mailguy wants ’em?

I Hate the Phone, But…

Fucking cool!

Yes, I hate the phone. I’ve always hated the phone. I hate land lines and cell phones. I hate people who scream and yell on the phone in the middle of the street. I hate assholes in cars swerving all over the road because they are trying to dial the cell phone. I hate Blackberries. I hate text messaging. I hate the fact that we can sit on the beach on St. John, Virgin Islands and still get a Goddamn phone call from home. I hate that guy that turns on his cell 1.2 seconds after the plane has landed to check his voicemail. I hate those gals on the train that blab about personal gynocological appointments and don’t give a crap if everyone knows about it.

My husband makes his living on the phone, so he is on the phone constantly. Because we both work out of the house, this also means that the phone rings about 200 times a day. It is a point of contention sometimes, but I guess I understand. But, he doesn’t understand why I hate the phone as much as I do. I don’t even really understand it, except for the fact that I used to answer phones as a job for many years. Maybe that has something to do with it? Or, maybe it was because I got put on the spot more than once on the phone in my old marketing job. Maybe it’s because I get nervous on the phone because I can’t be as articulate as I can in an email. I don’t really know. But, I do know that I want that cool new iPhone when it comes out!

Yes, I am a dichotomy. So sue me.