The “New” AT&T Sucks


Okay, I’ve had my cell phone number for something like 15 years now, and over that time my cellular companies have changed hands from Cellular One , AT&T Wireless, Cingular and now back to The “New” AT&T. So, I’m on vacation in the Virgin Islands and I lose my phone. I honestly didn’t even notice it was missing until the day before we went home, because the cell service is spotty at best and being on vacation condusive to making phone calls. I don’t think much about it. Big mistake.

I get home and call AT&T to suspend the phone pending my getting a new phone. Then I get my bill. Turns out some fucker stole my phone and had it for 7 days before I called it in! He must have been from Dominica and is a total fucking asshole because not only did he call all his pals in Dominica, but also downloaded a lot of fun stuff like “Wild Pillowfight Girls” and “Miami Nights: Singles in Heat”. To the tune of $450.00. Who the hell watches soft core porn on a RAZR? I guess some idiot from Dominica does.

So, I figure that it’s like a credit card – because the phone was obviously stolen I’m not liable for the fraudulent charges, right? Not according the the “New” AT&T! I call Customer Service where they tell me that because I didn’t call it in for the week I didn’t know it was missing, I have to pay all of the $450! WTF? I use my credit card analogy where the most you are ever liable for is $50, but I got the old CSR scripted answer that they were very sorry I felt this way but there was nothing they could do. I calmly explained that it really wasn’t fair since it is obvious from my 15 years of records that not only have I never called Dominica, (where everything after the 30th was only to Dominica) but also I have never used their handy “Direct Bill” feature to download anything, let alone “Centerspread Girls 3” It’s obviosuly fraud, but they couldn’t have cared less. At one point the CSR practiacally accused me of lying to get out of the charges!

Eventually, by keeping calm (harder to do than it sounds) and telling her that I was now going to switch providers because this policy, I wore her down enough to agreee to take 1/3 off the bill. This means I still get to pay $300 out of my own pocket becasue Mr Dominica needed jerk off on my 3.5 x 2.5 sceen for free. And AT&T sucks.

The good news? I got to order my iPhone! And I’ve gotten some jollies out of calling the numbers on my bill and saying, “Usted tiene un amigo que sea ladrón. Él robó mi teléfono y es un asshole. Vete a la mierda!” The bad news – I have to stick with AT&T since they are the only providers for the iPhone until 2009 or something. But, AT&T still sucks in my book.


I Want This Job…

In the past, I’ve only used my powers of Photoshopping for good. Embarassing friends and family, making myself look better in pictures, making invitations for bridal showers, etc. I am especially good at Photoshopping people’s heads onto other people’s bodies – it’s kind of my specialty. So, I think I found my new calling – I want to “clean up” celebrity cover shots for national magazine covers. I mean, we all kind of know that they fix flaws and do special makeup and lighting to make the subject look their best – but this example from shows you how much they actually “fix.” It doesn’t even look like the same person!

Photoshopped to Death

In the above example of Faith Hill – they Photoshopped 11 major things, including making her arms about 50% of original size, gave her more hair, wiped out all wrinkles, took out moles, got rid of her other hand, shaved her ass and stomach off, thinned her nose and cheeks, got rid of her back fat and even smoothed her clavicle out! WTF – who cares about a fucking clavicle????

The ironic thing is that Redbook is sort of known for being “natural” and “realistic”, at least as far as the girlie mags go. Faith Hill is the same age as me – so it is kind of depressing, actually.

Read the full story here at