Am I the only person who is completely sick of the people hanging out at the front of the grocery store soliciting money for every conceivable charitable function? I mean, once in awhile is OK – but it seems more and more that every fucking time I go to the store, there is someone blocking my way in or out with a can and a story. I just want to go in, get my bottle of rum and get the hell home already.
It seems that these solicitation stories fall under one of three categories:
The Shady M&M Guys
What is up with those M&M guys? First off, it never seems to be for anything specific. It’s just, “Hey… wanna buy some M&Ms?” Why am I buying M&Ms at a 200% markup from you for when I can get them inside? Why are they always Peanut M&Ms? Where did you come from? Why do you scare me? Somehow I think that a giant ship container full of Peanut M&Ms was stolen sometime in 1987 and they are still making the rounds today.
Local High School Fundraiser
This is what I was subjected to yesterday. Sullen teens with gum (usually girls for some reason) stand outside the door and act completely bored while explaining what lame cause they are involved in. It’s usually something ridiculously small (new paint for the girl’s locker room) or way too big (world hunger!) . I always get the feeling that this is some sort of punishment for talking in class or something rather than concerned young people doing good in the community. I guess that’s the cynic in me, but I bet if you asked one of them what Darfur was, they would think it was a pair of $250 jeans or something.
This category covers your Rotary Club spaghetti dinners, Salvation Army bell-ringers, Lion’s Club pancake breakfasts, Girl Scout Cookies, Firemen with the big boots, Greenpeace, people running for local office, those weird Asian ladies with the nurses’ uniforms (what the hell is that one, anyway?) etc. etc. It’s not that I have a problem with these types of charities, but more that it seems they are there a lot more often than I remember in the past. It’s almost as if they all have a Master Calendar that lists what charity can work what Jewel on what date. Imagine the awkwardness if the Lion’s Club was there there the same day as the Purple Heart Veterans?
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean to dis any one charity, or those that volunteer their time and energy to such causes, but there are other ways to raise money and/or awareness than to accost me at the store. Especially when it’s every single fucking day.
OK, yes, I give them money. What do you think I am… an asshole?