OSCARS: So Many Complaints… So Little Time

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Okay…  I admit it.  I am one of those people that kind of get in to the Academy Awards.  I watched the entire thing tonight – without interruption.  Mostly because my husband is out of town, so he couldn’t get bored and therefore interrupt me.  I actually took some illegible notes as I sipped some of my favorite Pinot Noirs.   Here is what I could make of it all after the fact:

 

  1.  C –  List Presenters:  Well, I originally wrote Z List, but now I realize I am being a little mean.  (i.e. George Clooney + Cameron Diaz = C-)  Was it the Strike?  Was it writer laziness?  Was it no one fucking cares?  Why were we subjected to such an overall lame group? Patrick Dempsey? Miley Cyrus? Come on.
  2. International Flair: Enjoyed the fact that there were many winners tonight that did not have english as a first language.  Again, our laziness and dropping the ball due the strike may have had something to do with people from other countries winning the big prize.  Yay!  It’s finally a real award, unlike the Miss Universe Contest.
  3. Jon Stewart was Lame.  I’m sorry – I really love him on The Daily Show, but he really was no good tonight.  I felt like they had a pre-strike show already written, and then after the strike ended, they didn’t really fix it.  No smart jokes, extreme lameness, and overall mediocre effort from someone I usually equate with excellence.  Boo.
  4. No One was There.  Okay, I admit – I didn’t watch the red carpet coverage because I hate that shit.  But, watching just the telecast – it seemed that no one was there.  All I saw were the same 10 people over and over on camera.  Thank God for George Clooney.  He is hot.
  5. George Clooney is Fucking Hot.  He is.  End of story.

That’s all I got for tonight – thanks for playin’
 
 

Bud Light: Sausages! Please, Sausages! Sausage!

 

I don’t know what it is about this ad… I have watched it a zillion times and I laugh every time. This is such a fabulous ad in an otherwise mediocre campaign.  What is it that makes it so fucking hilarious? I think it’s the dog’s accent (and the change-up from sausages to sausage) and incredible timing. Brilliant in that regard.

Too bad Bud Light tastes like warm piss in a rusty bucket, however.

QVC vs Quicktime Logo

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As a Graphic Designer, I can tell you that –  at least in my opinion – creating logos is one of the hardest and most time consuming of projects.  They look simple, but that simplicity is murder to do.  I can also tell you that when creating logos, I have browsed through other logos for inspiration and ideas.  But taking a look at the above new QVC logo that I noticed in an ad on BBC America, this seems a little over the line as far as “inspiration” goes.
 
The very least that the designer could have done is use a different color, no?  I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but when I saw this I thought of Quicktime right off the bat.  A little lazy in my book – but then again, I don’t have multi billion dollar corporations as clients. 
 
Update:
Looks like I am not the only one thinking about this.  Click here for a really in-depth discussion from dorks who actually find this stuff really interesting, like me. 

I’ll Take the “Suck My *ick” – Hold the “*uck Face.”

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I have to admit, I chuckled a little when I ran across this story in The Consumerist.   It seems that a party in the UK didn’t appreciate the special appetizer they found on their receipt – specifically the “Suck My Dick Fuck Face”.  Hey, at least they didn’t charge them for it!

All I can say is that if we had this capability back in my days at the Olive Garden, there would have been more than a little trouble. 

Thanks to The Consumerist. 

In Honor of President’s Day (a few days late…)

 

This little ditty really shines a light on the man we know as George Washington.  Very interesting and informative video cartoon set to music you can’t get out of your head.  I promise you’ll learn things you never knew about General Washington, such as that he was 12 stories tall, fucked the shit out of bears, invented cocaine and made of radiation – among other things. 

Oh, someone mentioned I should post when these things aren’t safe for work, but I figured that if you’re reading my blog, you know chances are it may not be safe for work anyway.  But, I’ll comply.

NSFW!

Thanks to wonkette.com 

Vintage Cookbook Centerfold of the Week

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Courtesy of 500 Tasty Sandwiches, 1949.
 
Actually, this centerfold doesn’t look too bad – I’m all for anything broiled with cheese.  What I thought was interesting was how good the tomatoes look.  These are real, actual tomatoes – you know – the kind that seems to have been extinct for the past 30 years.  
 
My mom used to always tell me that tomatoes were different when she was a kid – they actually tasted good, were red, blah blah blah.  Since all I ever knew were the grocery store tomatoes of the 70s, I didn’t know what she was talking about.   Then, I had a real tomato from an actual garden and it all made sense.  
 
Those things you find in the grocery store or on top of your Whopper are not a tomato.  They are grey, mushy tasteless specimens of year-round produce gone bad.  It’s sad that some people, like I was, don’t even know what a real tomato tastes like.
 
The only way to get a real tomato these days is to grow it yourself.  Even those Farmers Markets are suspect – most of the “farmers” seem to be the same crowd that may sell you two designer sunglasses for $10 at the local flea market the next week. ( I think they just go to the grocery store, buy some tomatoes there, put them in a crate and pretend they farmed it themselves. )
 
Now, those asparagus are a different story…  

My Album Collection: Grease Soundtrack 1978

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Ahhhh… the Grease Soundtrack.  Do you know that I listened to this so much that I actually wore it out and had to buy another one?  Did you even know that you can wear out a record?  Well, you can and I did.
 
Grease was my favorite movie of all time when I was a kid.  I saw it about 20 times.  Then, one of my  friends got the first VCR (I think it was a BetaMax)  I ever saw and she got a copy of Grease for Christmas!  Then I saw it about 100 more times.  Never mind that I didn’t really understand half of it – like that Rizzo thought she was pregnant(!), and that Danny was trying to feel Sandy up at the drive-in, or the message I was subliminally receiving that I need to “slut it up” to get the guy.   No, I just loved the songs and of course I had a crush on John Travolta like every other 10 year old at the time.  
 
I used to spend hours in my room listening to this double-record.  I still pretty much know every word to every song.  I mean, do you know the words to It’s Raining on Prom Night? Unfortunately I do.  I can also do the hand jive, sing all of We Go Together, and act out the entire girls’ sleepover scene myself.  Did I mention I was an only child?
 
Oh, and to this day my favorite karaoke song is Hopelessly Devoted to You.  In fact, it’s my only karaoke song.   If it’s a good night, I can bring the house down with that one.  If it’s a bad night, well… let’s focus on the positive, shall we?