The More Interesting Martha Blog

So, I like Martha Stewart.  I don’t know why – I just do.  I find her impossible brand of perfection strangely mesmerizing for some reason. I think it’s cool that someone can take a basement catering business and turn it in to a billion dollar company.  I like that she’s strangely  awkward and detached from the rest of us humans.  I buy her books, I subscribe to her magazines, I (try) to make her recipes, I use her website – I even watched that horrible Martha Stewart Apprentice.  And, I named my cat after her.

Yes, I have a cat named Martha.  It turned out to be the perfect name because although she’s short and small, she is a total bitch and runs the entire house in circles.  The other cat who is twice her size and both dogs are scared to death of her.  (Not too shabby for a stray that showed up on our door step only weighing four pounds, and, as it turned out, had breast cancer (!) and had to have four mastectomies.)

Anyway, I got a marketing email from Martha, Inc. inviting me to subscribe to her blog.  It’s called The Martha Blog: Up Close and Personal (Wow – great name!)  So, I sign up and get to see what interesting posts Martha comes up with every day.  Will we get to see what she does on weekends?  Will we get to hear about her latest fight with her daughter?  Will we get to go behind the scenes of a photo shoot? 


What we get is post after post about her gardens at her multiple estates back East.  Yes, they are nice and all, but it’s like the same fucking thing every day.  Okay, it’s not all she posts about, but it certainly is most of what she posts about. And, there’s never really anything “up close and personal” about it.  Here are the posts for the past three days:

I decided that my cat Martha would have much more interesting posts, so here are some topics for her:
Now, which one would you rather read?

2 thoughts on “The More Interesting Martha Blog

  1. First of all, I don’t know Martha as well as you do but I can’t see her sitting around all day writin’ a blog. Don’t you think she has an army of smurfs down in the basement of her mansion churning them out like sausages?

    Secondly, she has a LOT of peonies.

    Thirdly, why doesn’t she have a gamekeeper like in Lady Chatterley’s Lover? She’s got every other kind of staff position appropriate to a large country estate. Although I don’t guess I saw any pictures of stable boys either. Actually, that title might be considered sexist now. “Stable person” maybe?

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