How Not to Bet the Ponies

So I was in beautiful Saratoga Springs, NY over the weekend and spent a lot of time at the Saratoga race track betting on the ponies.  I totally suck at this activity, because I basically do the annoying thing –  which is bet by the name of the horse.  We were sitting with a lot of “serious” horse-betters, so you know this is just not the cool thing to do when they are studying stacks of stats in two point type.   You know they hate idiots like me.

Here is an example of my slick betting technique:

  1. JUMPINGJACKCAT   (odds:  7-2)
  2. AVALIA   (odds: 3-1)
  3. MR SPEEDY  (odds: 4-1)
  4. MILLIONDOLLARBABY (odds: 8-1)
  5. ILUVRUM (odds: 50-1)
Guess who I bet on?  Guess who’s still fucking running?  Guess who lost a shitload of money over the weekend?

 
Well, at least the drinks are chea… oh, wait.