Superbowl Munchies: The Bacon Explosion


Since there is a chicken wing shortage this weekend, here is another heart-stopping alternative to serve at your Superbowl Party this weekend – The Bacon Explosion.  Yes, this is bacon wrapped around Italian sausage and grilled. Oh, and more bacon on the inside. It is over 5,000 calories and 500 grams of fat.  Now, that’s good eatin’!  

Frankly this picture makes me want to become a vegan and join PETA, but I have a feeling that this will be quite popular since we are a country of  gluttonous fat-ass slobs.  You know some asshole will put melted cheese on it or something.

Here is the recipe.  Enjoy!

Thanks, John!


I’m working on a couple of posts, but they have been taking longer than expected.  So, here is a word from our sponsor:  SNUGGIE.

I guess people are gangbusters for this thing.  I saw an article in AdAge last week that said they’ve sold $40 MM worth and can’t make ’em fast enough.  (Of course, they are made in China.)  

People, you already own a Snuggie!  It’s called a fucking backwards bathrobe!

The Old 29E Airline Complaint Letter


I know this is an oldie, but I often bring this up to my friends in conversation as one of the funniest things I have ever read on the interwebs and never can remember to find it to send it to them.  Now that I found it again I had to post it –  so next time it comes up, I can just say to look it up on “the ‘pants” as I call this blog.  (No, I don’t, actually.)

This is the famous 29E Continental Airlines Complaint Letter.  Some poor soul took the time to write out this letter  while sitting in seat 29E – right next to the stinking lavatory.  I feel for this man – the sounds, the smells, the “stink sheild.”  I hate the airlines.

Tomorrow I will explain what happened to us on our way to the Dominican Republic a couple of weeks ago.  It includes an 18 hour trip that should have taken 4 hours, a plane that they “can’t start”, and turning around and coming back to Chicago when we are already all the way to Orlando.

In the mean time, please enjoy the comedy stylings of Mr. 29E:

The Dinner Party


by Tiffany

Chapter 1:
Cook everything from scratch, including making chicken stock from actual chickens.  This takes almost 3 days. 

Chapter 2:
Spend an hour setting the table correctly, as well as using the wedding china that never, ever gets used.  Arrange fresh flowers for the centerpiece.

Chapter 3: 
Pick out fine wines to go with each course.

Chapter 4:
The Guests arrive!

Chapter 5:
Everyone gets completely drunk – including me –  and I forget about things going in and coming out of the oven. 

Chapter 6:
Food not as good as is should be, but everyone is drunk and no one cares. 

Chapter 7:
Guests don’t leave until 2am.  



Dinner Party Menu for 8
January 24, 2009

Marinated Anitpasto, Assorted Italian Meats and Cheeses 

First Course:
Minestrone Soup

Second Course: 
Caesar Salad Vinaigrette

Third Course:
Lasagne Bolognese with Spinach

Fourth Course:

Drinks Consumed:  
3 bottles of Prosecco,
9 bottles of Italian Red (yes, you read that right.)
Assorted Cocktails & Beers 


Your Best Meals Evah

I just got back from a nice and warm trip to the Dominican Republic.  This is the second time I have been to the D.R. and I have to say that pretty much all the food there is incredibly good.  The last time we were there we went out to dinner with a local friend who – when I told him what I thought – explained that because the D.R. is so large (it’s 5x the size of Puerto Rico) and so varied in geography, they are one of the few islands in the Caribbean that don’t import a lot of things.  Meaning that the fish you are eating was probably swimming that morning, the shrimp is local, the vegetables fresh.  I don’t know if it was hyperbole, but I chose to believe it.

While at the resort I had such a good preparation on a red snapper, that I had to have it twice!  It was so fresh and so awesome, I’m thinking of never ordering red snapper again because I know that I will never get it as good as this one.  This particular resort has an on-call fishing fleet where you literally see them bring the day’s catch in a big basket to the kitchen.  They simply gut it, fry it, and place it – whole – on your plate for you to enjoy.  No spices, no sauces, no “reductions” or – thank god – balsamic vinegar.  Just, good, fresh fish.

I’m almost sad because I’ll never get to experience it quite that way again, but glad that I got to do it anyway.  Ya gotta live for the moment, I guess.  (Sorry no picture – I was living so in the moment, I forgot to take a picture so I could relive the moment.)

Obama Obama Obama



You know, I am as excited as anyone to get Mr. Bush out of there and Mr. Obama in, but I have to be honest and tell you that I am kind of getting sick of the Obama-mania.  The guy is on the tube all day every day it seems, and he’s not even in office yet!.  Every TV show has Obama as a subject matter no matter what the tie-in.  Everything from two hour-long 60 Minutes episodes to nightly updates on Entertainment Tonight for God’s sake! Entertainment Tonight???!! He’s on every magazine cover from Time to GQ.  GQ????!!  It’s completely ridiculous.  Yesterday I tried to keep count of how many times I heard the words “Barack Obama” and I actually lost count at around 30.  

It doesn’t help that my home state is a laughing-stock as the rest of the world snickers at the complete and utter corruption that is Illinois politics.  Of course, we all knew in here in Illinois what was what, but we certainly don’t need the rest of the world knowing about it. (Good luck with that Olympics bid now, Chicago!)   Our illustrious Governor Blowjob was impeached today, a first in Illinois, but he still seems to come out on top on having everyone in a tizzy.  His appointment of Roland Burris as the fill-in for Obama’s senate seat was nothing short of evil genius. But, even with all this hub-bub going on here in my state, all I hear all day is Obama Obama Obama Obama.

I need a vacation.  Oh, yeah – I will be leaving tomorrow for a week.  I’ll be back just in time for the inauguration!

* sigh *

Politically Incorrect Stained Glass



Every time we go to the neighborhood bar closest to my house, I mean to take a picture of this.  Yes, this is some stained glass at the entrance of said bar.  There are actually about 15 of these types of stained glass decorations around the bar that are supposed to depict different countries.  But, although most of them contain scantily-clad women and are mildly strange – this one is pretty much offensive and right at the entrance, which is beyond odd.

Originally I was going to blog about how this is kind of funny because the bar is obviously so old that these were made in a time before people were a little more in tune with what would be considered politically incorrect, etc. etc.  (Kind of like how some people collect those old timey Mammy-type salt and pepper shakers from the 20s and 30s or the old Bugs Bunny cartoons that have since been taken out of rotation.)  But, then I did a little research on this particular bar, and it turns out that it was built in 1971.  I’m pretty sure this was considered as offensive in 1971 as it is today, right?  Good thing Bobby Seale didn’t stop in for a cold one.

Now I don’t know what to think about it.  I do know that when I’m going in to the bar I am always kind of bothered by it, but on my way out (many hours later, I’m sure) I kind of chuckle at it.  I guess I don’t have a huge problem with it, but maybe it shouldn’t be right by the door.  Or, maybe I am being too uptight.  Or, maybe it should go.  Or, maybe as Jerry Seinfeld says, “I don’t think we’re supposed to be talking about this.”

What do you guys think?