Yes, I Know People Like This

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Someone sent this to me a few months ago, and I have to admit I laughed a little.  Well, okay – a lot.  I am sorry to also admit that I know people who completely think like this.  Yes, they are idiots.  

I think my favorite is the “Cruise Ships Go Here” area – only because the Caribbean is one of my favorite places in the world precisely because there are 50+ islands which are all completely different from one another with people, culture, music, food and  other influences.  But, alas – most people probably do think that all the Caribbean is is cheap shopping and giant boat ports with McDonalds and Pizza Huts ready to feed the fat-ass Americans on board.

True Story:  I talked my husband into going on a South American Caribbean cruise a few years ago for New Years Eve.  We went on the Carnival Legend, because, we were told, Carnival is the “fun ship.”  If by fun you mean overcrowded with drunk assholes who want everything for nothing and treat the crew like shit, then you got that right. 

Anyway, one late morning when we were at sea, we made it to the breakfast buffet and were standing in the throngs of starving tourists with their plates filled to the brim with all the breakfast delights of the world.  At one point were were in the Breakfast Meat Line, where one waits for bacon, ham, sausages, etc.  There was an older gentleman in front of us who was holding up the line because he decided he wanted his bacon cooked more, even though it came out of the giant Bacon Trough with everyone else’s.  Now, as anyone who has been on a cruise can tell you, many of the workers on the ship are from places other than Whitebread, NJ and  I can also tell you that they work horrific hours for basically slave wages.  There was one guy behind the Meat Trough whose sole job seemed to be just to keep the Meat Troughs filled with buckets of fresh Meat from the kitchen.  He was the target of my neighbor in line.  He screams at the guy in some sort of Archie Bunker accent, “Hey, YOU!  This bacon is raw!  I want my bacon cooked MORE right NOW!”

The guy looked at him, but I could tell he didn’t understand him because he was from Vietnam or something – and I’m sure his job description did not entail re-cooking bacon for assholes who don’t seem to understand what a buffet is.  The guy stared at Archie Bunker but didn’t make a move for the plate of limp bacon he was trying to give him under the sneeze guard.  Couple this with the growing line of hungry people who want their Meat Products now and things were getting dicey.

After what seemed like an eternity and no movement from the guy, Archie Bunker was pissed.  “Listen, YOU,” He spat out, “You better start speaking English NOW, you son-of-a-bitch!”  Um, like the guy was not speaking English on purpose or something.  I have to say at this point I walked away because I couldn’t take this guy any more, but my husband stayed and then called him an asshole as he passed he and his 300 lb wife at a table.  This pretty much summed up the clientele on the Carnival Legend.

I never did find out if he got his bacon or not.

5 thoughts on “Yes, I Know People Like This

  1. Found that out too late. My husband had never been on a cruise (and probably will never go on one again) and I had only been on one way back when I was like 22. Seemed a lot more fun then – I hated it.

  2. Puh-leeze!

    I thought that everybody knows that every single person on Earth can be made to understand English if one speaks loudly and slowly enough. It helps to deliver the directions in a thoroughly impatient, sarcastic tone with an increasingly intimidating facial expression.

  3. Yep, J2Dub is right about understanding the English language. It also helps to make insane hand gestures in rapid order. That really aids understanding. Trust me, I have a Master’s degree in this shit.

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