I have an embarrassing confession to make… I color my own hair. In fact, I’ve been coloring my hair myself since I was 16 and I haven’t looked back. I don’t really even know what my real hair color would be if I were to let it go au natural. (Well – I have an idea, but let’s not go there…)
I have never once gone to the salon and had my hair done “professionally” – not even for our wedding – much to the chagrin of hairdressers all over the Chicago region. Hairdressers just can’t fathom that my $15.00 hair color can look just as bad as their $215 hair color.
Once I was getting a haircut at a well known chain of Chicagoland salons and the owner and salon namesake happened to be visiting the day I was there. His #2 was also there and, according to my hair stylist, was the Directing Vice Manager Of Hair Styling Stylists or some such dumbass thing. Mr. #2 came by my station and asked me if he could cut my hair that day like he’s doing me some sort of fabulous favor to show some of his visiting students how it’s done. Hey, why not?
Because he’s a flaming asshole, that’s why not. He didn’t listen to anything I said about what I wanted and ended up giving me some completely idiotic haircut where it was way shorter in the back than the front, kind of like some ‘V” thing. I looked like a cross between Clara Bow and something out of Blade Runner.
After the ass desecrated my hair, all the underlings were oooohing and aaahhing over his butcher job like Jesus himself had cut my hair. I was almost in tears, but let them fawn over my awful hair. Then, one of them ran his fingers through my hair and remarked, “Ooooh! That color! It’s just geeeeouuurgeous. Such a unique color. Did Andre create your color as well?” I guessed Andre must be the Man.
“Nope – Walgreens!”
The looks on their faces were one of collective horror. I think one of them may have actually gasped.
“Well, actually, L’Oreal Coluleur Experte Express – Toasted Coconut.”
Andre suddenly hightailed it out of there, as did all his underlings. My regular hair stylist looked pissed off and disappeared as well.
I didn’t get charged for the pleasure of having to grow my hair out for the next six months. I’m sooooooo worth it!