I know…

I’ve been a bad blogger lately.  I’ve been crazy busy and am traveling yet again.  Be back soon.  Here’s a little song for your entertainment pleasure:

Happy Anniversary Seinfeld!

It was 20 years ago this week that the first Seinfeld episode (then called The Seinfeld Chronicles) aired on NBC.  Yikes!  It’s hard to believe, as I was in college at the time and was too busy drinking to watch TV.  The strange thing was that I never really watched Seinfeld until years later, and didn’t even realize how funny it was until I started watching the repeats on TBS.

The second-funniest thing about Seinfeld, besided the show?  The hideous 90s clothes.  Check out Jerry’s shirt in the clip above!  I can so remember that being the look, with the Levis and the white tennis shoes.  One step away from Hammer Time!

“And you want to be my latex salesman.”

Tatchos!

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I’ve been busy today working since much of my day yesterday was spent collecting, wrapping, taping, boxing and shipping a box of poo.  So, I’ve had this lovely shot of “tatchos” sitting on my desktop for awhile and thought I’d share.

Tatchos: n. |ˈtä ch ōz| Nachos made with Tater Tots!

Is there anything better than Tater Tots?  I think not!  Tater Tots were invented in 1954 by the Ore-Ida potato company.  According to the company, Americans consume over 70 million pounds of Tater Tots annually. (Mostly in Mississippi, I’m guessing.)

A Bag of Poo for You!

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So I get a piece of mail from MAC cosmetics last week, which I figured was junk mail since I don’t buy from MAC.  For some reason I opened it and soon realized that it was a receipt for $160 of cosmetics!  Some asshat had obviously compromised my credit card number and decided to use it to order themselves a online “gift” from me!

Well, what they didn’t know was that now I have their name and address since it was on the SHIP TO section of the receipt.  So, I collected some goodies outside courtesy of my yellow lab and will be shipping them a new “gift” from me today.

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So, enjoy your bag of poo, TRANG PHAM of TEMPE, AZ.  (Oh, and I called the cops, too.)

Happy 4th

Happy 4th of July!  Let’s celebrate the American way – with drunken idiots blowing fingers off with dangerous fireworks!

Also, I thought this video was cool…

The Mystery of Disgusting Gelatin Recipes Solved!

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I noticed I got a lot of traffic yesterday from jezebel.com, so being curious I went to the site to find out why.  Turns out they had a blog post about one of my favorite subjects: revolting recipes!  And, someone was nice enough to link to my mother of all revolting recipes: The Liver Sausage Pineapple.

The best part about the post, besides the recipes involved (Corned Beef Jello Salad! Tic-Tac Pie! Tuna Twinkie Soufflé!) was one of the commenters explained why molded salads were so popular in the 50s and 60s, something I have pondered for a long, long time.

Before the postwar era, jelled molded foods were rare and special, as they required a long process involving grinding and boiling for hours of hartshorn(antlers) or isinglass(from the swim bladders of sturgeon and cod. Mass production and and a newly prosperous middle class led to the invention of prepared gelatin powder and home refrigeration, which is why molded salads and icebox cakes exploded in popularity in the 50s. Clearly, tastes have changed since then.

Hooray!  The mystery is solved!  (Except for the fact that they are still completely disgusting.)

jezebel.com:  The Most Revolting Dish Ever Devised

Tales from the Olive Garden: Part Five – The Case of the Missing Shrimp

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More memories from my days at the Olive Garden (1990-1991):

The only good thing about working at the Olive Garden back in the day was that I was poor and the food was free.  Well, it wasn’t supposed to be free – but we managed to make it free as many ways as we could.  For instance, the salad, soup and breadsticks were made by us and not the kitchen.  So, this meant easy access.  I ate a lot of soup, salad and breadsticks.  And, by salad, I mean I went by the salad set up in the back (picture basically a big salad bar) and popped things in my mouth as I walked by.  Mostly croutons and black olives.  (In fact, one time we went out after work I drank too many beers and barfed up nothing but beer and black olives in the parking lot.  A lot of black olives.)

Alas, man cannot live on soup, salad and breadsticks alone.  Sometimes you need access to the real food.  This was where it got tricky.  Technically, to buy food we had to order and pay through the cashier in the back and send the ticket through to the kitchen.  We did receive some paltry discount, but frankly the money I was making there wasn’t really conducive to paying even that for lunch and dinner.  So, sometimes we would order extra sides of spaghetti and eat them.  Other times, we would pretend the kitchen lost an order ticket and cry and beg our way into having them make it anway.  Many times I would go into the big refrigerator in the back and scoop out spoonfuls of crab salad on to a plate and eat it right there.  Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures!

But, the best way to get the best food was to eat it right off someone else’s plate – namely the customer’s.  We all did it and we did it all the time.  As you probably know, the Olive Garden is quite corporate – meaning every single little thing about portion size is controlled – down to how many black olives you get in your salad.  (It’s one black olive for how many people at the table – really.)  Stuffed mushrooms?  Supposed to be 5 per order.  How about I eat one, rearrange the plate and you get four?  How would you know?  

There was one dinner that everyone loved – the SPRI – back-house speak for Shrimp Scampi.  It was supposed to have 8 shrimp per order.  Literally in the year or so I worked there, I never saw one complete order go out the door.  Someone would yell “SPRI coming thorugh!” and we would just pick a shrimp or two out as it was heading to the front.  Most of the time the customer got 6 shrimp if he was lucky – sometimes less if not so lucky.

Yes, I know that this is rude to the customer.  But, frankly – it was the Olive Garden’s fault.  Why not give us a shift meal like other restaurants do?  Or give us a real discount?  In their ultimate cheap-ass attitude, both they and the customer lost out.  We are the backbone of the restaurant and we will always find ways around the lame rules if they aren’t fair – something these corporations should think about.

Don’t get me started on how one of my co-workers once managed to stuff enough frozen steaks down his pants to have  a BBQ for 25….

Click here for Part 4