Fired on Facebook

I ran across this gem on one of my favorite time-wasting websites, Passive-Agressive Notes. This totally cracks me up for a couple of reasons.  First, that the poster is posting from work, which seems like something you really shouldn’t be doing.  Second, that they “forgot” that their boss is one of their “friends.”  Why on earth would you make your boss your friend on Facebook?  That seems stupid on about 3 levels.  But, some of the 20-somethings have over 800 “friends” – how can you keep track?

I know someone who did something similar – but luckily figured it out before it got too far.  She was having some problems at her job and posted some giant rant about what was happening and then left it up for a couple of minutes before realizing that some of her “friends” also were co-workers. Not the person she was ranting about, but still not people that needed to see what she was thinking. Ooops.

I can’t post here about the stupid things I’ve done on FB because a lot of people from my FB read this blog as well.  Let’s just say I’ve made an ass out of myself more than once – but what it really comes down to is that there is a distinction between “real life” friends and “facebook friends” and although many do overlap, some don’t.  Just because I read your daily posts on what you had for lunch doesn’t mean I necessarily want to have lunch with you.  I guess it’s just part of the New World Order.

Passive/Aggressive Notes: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

Foods I Love: Croque Madame

There is nothing better on this Earth than a really good Croque Madame.  I had my first Croque Madame via room service in the Sofitel Hotel in Chicago.  It was heavenly and I have been searching for one as good as that one in the US since.  They have since taken it off the menu at the Sofitel, so the search goes on.  (I did have a few while in France last year, and as with anything else, some were incredible and some were inedible.)  All in all, it’s a hard sandwich to screw up – as long as you use the right ingredients – since it’s basically a grilled ham-and-cheese sandwich.

The original grilled sandwich, minus the fried egg on top, is known as a Croque Monsieur – which loosely translates into “Mister Crunch.”  The Croque Madame has the fried egg, which resembles a little hat, or so the story goes.  It is not true that a Croque Madame is made with chicken instead of ham or mornay sauce instead of béchamel.  The only difference between the two is the egg – but to me it makes all the difference in the world.

• TRADITIONAL CROQUE MADAME
  Adapted from Williams-Sonoma
  Serves 4
• 2 Tbs. unsalted butter
• 1 Tbs. all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup milk
• 1/2 tsp. kosher salt, plus more, to taste
• Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• Pinch of freshly ground nutmeg
• 8 slices sweet batard bread, each 1/2 inch thick
• 1/4 cup canola oil
• 3 tsp. Dijon mustard
• 8 slices Black Forest or Jambon de Paris ham
• 4 oz. Gruyère cheese, grated
• 4 eggs
• Chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley for garnish

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a small saucepan over medium heat, melt 1 Tbs. of the butter. Whisk in the flour and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture is pale golden, about 3 minutes. Slowly add the milk, whisking constantly. Simmer, continuing to whisk, until the sauce is smooth and thickened, 6 to 8 minutes. Stir in the 1/2 tsp. salt plus black pepper and nutmeg, to taste. Set the béchamel sauce aside.
2. Preheat a panini press to 375ºF or medium according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
3. Brush one side of each bread slice with oil. Place the slices, oiled side down, on a clean work surface. Spread the mustard on 4 of the slices and top each with 2 slices of ham, folding the ham if necessary to keep it even with the edges of the bread. Spread the béchamel sauce evenly over the ham and sprinkle the cheese on top, dividing evenly. Top each with one of the remaining bread slices, oiled side up.
4. Place the sandwiches on the preheated panini press and cook according to the manufacturer’s instructions until golden and crispy, about 5 minutes.
5. Meanwhile, in a large fry pan over medium-high heat, melt the remaining 1 Tbs. butter. When the butter foams, break the eggs into the pan, spacing them about 1 inch apart. If using egg rings, spray the inside of 4 rings with nonstick cooking spray, place in the pan and break an egg into each ring. Season the eggs with salt and black pepper. Cook until the whites are firm, about 3 minutes. Remove the egg rings, if using. Flip the eggs over and continue cooking until the whites are cooked through but the yolks are still runny, about 1 minute more.
6. Slide an egg onto each sandwich, sprinkle with parsley and serve immediately.  Enjoy!

The Rubix Sandwich

I’m not sure how you eat this, but points for creativity.

Courtesy of This is Why You’re Fat.

Craigslist: More frightening than I even imagined…

So, I found a new favorite website yesterday, yousuckatcraigslist.com.  The library of saved Craigslist posts with accompanying snarky commentary kept me busy for way too long last night.  After reading many, many posts I have come to realize a couple of things:

• Most people in this country are complete idiots.
• Most people in this country have no concept of any sort of spelling and/or grammar.
• Nobody in this country understands the phrase “French Provincial”

I used Craigslist once a few years ago to sell my stepdaughter’s car.  I have to say, it worked like a charm – we had five inquiries in less than an hour and sold it the next day.  After reading these posts, however, I’m not sure I would use it again.  There are some fucking weirdos out there!

Here are some of my other favorites from this overly entertaining site:

Make sure you have a lot of free time when you visit this site, I promise you will be sucked in, but good.

yousuckatcraigslist.com

Grocery Store Self-Checkouts Suck

I think I may be in the minority that I enjoy the grocery store self-checkout aisles.  Call me a curmudgeon, but I don’t like the annoying chit-chat that constitutes the agony of the old-fashioned check-out.  “Yes, hi – I’m fine and you?  Greeeeat.  No, I don’t want to sign up for your free gas card.  No, I don’t have a club card.  No, I want paper – not plastic.  No, I don’t want to donate $5 to the American Large Iris Foundation.  No, I said paper, please.  No, I don’t want help out.  Yes, that is a nice picture of your grandchild.  Oh, his irises are too big?  That’s too bad….”  I just want my shit, pay for it and get the hell home for Real Housewives of Crack Country already.

The problem is, the self-checkouts suck.  It’s almost as if they just installed them without ever testing them outside the lab or something.  There hasn’t been one time I’ve ever gotten out of there without some sort of problem.  The most ridiculous one?  When the first thing you do is put your nice, pseudo-green, 30% post-consumer waste recycled, reusable bag on the bagging area and the machine freaks out.  “UNKNOWN ITEM IN BAGGING AREA.  PLEASE REMOVE UNKOWN ITEM.”  WTF?  They don’t give you an option to say you HAVE YOUR OWN BAG considering they SELL THE SAME FUCKING BAG two feet from the checkout?*

The other stupid problems?

• Things that are too light to trigger the bagging area scale, like fresh herbs or a box of tissue.  PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA!
• Having to still get “checked out” by the attendant for purchases over $50.  PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
• Having barcodes on things that are supposed to be input by PLU#, like grapes.   INCORRECT ITEM NUMBER
• The PLU Lookup System – Scallions are only called Green Onions and under O, Green Peppers are under P, no cross-referencing at all. PLEASE TYPE IN ITEM’S CODE

And don’t even get me started on what the hell you are supposed to do when you get in that never ending conundrum of the UNKNOWN ITEM IN BAGGING AREA and PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA circle jerk.   I guess all in all it’s better than having to deal with the busy-body check out lady and the creepy guys who bag the groceries.  But, for God’s sake, upgrade the system already!

*Here in Chicago, it depends on where you go if you get this completely idotic problem or not.  The Jewel added a “I’m Using My Own Bag” button about three months ago.  Brilliant idea! Dominick’s have yet to be able to program this wild and crazy funtion into their system (or so the attendant/babbysitter told me the other day when I had to wait ten minutes for someone to override the Bag Conspiracy Error on my machine because she was too busy arguing with a customer over whether the coupon she was trying to use was for 23¢ or 28¢.)

Recipe: Green Goddess Chicken Salad

I realized that it’s been awhile since I posted a real recipe!  I made this last week for dinner, and I have to say it was absolutely delicious.  It was the cover shot on this month’s Food & Wine magazine.  It’s not an every day meal, as I wouldn’t call it exactly “diet friendly” but sometimes you just gotta enjoy things that are good, regardless. (It’s especially good if you use fresh herbs from the garden, like I did.)    Don’t skip the anchovies – even if you don’t like them – it is intergral to the taste of the dressing.  Also, I couldn’t find piquillo peppers to save my life, so I used pickled cherry peppers instead.

Enjoy!

GREEN GODDESS CHICKEN SALAD

SERVES 6

Ingredients:

2 oil-packed anchovies, drained
1 garlic clove
1/2 c. packed fresh flat leaf parsley leaves
1/4 c. packed fresh basil leaves
1 TBS. fresh oregano leaves
3/4 c. mayonnaise
2 1/2 TBS  fresh lemon juice
2 TBS fresh snipped chives
kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
1 lb. loaf of ciabatta, bottom crust removed, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 2 lb. rotisserie chicken, skin and bones discarded, meat pulled into bite size pieces
3 inner celery ribs, with leaves, thinly sliced
8 piquillo peppers from jar, drained and quartered
1/2 c. pitted kalamata olives, halved

Directions:

1. In a food processor, pulse the anchovies, garlic, parsley, basil, and oregano until coarsely chopped. Add the mayonnaise and lemon juice and process until smooth. Fold in the chives; season with salt and pepper.
2. In a large bowl, toss the ciabatta with the chicken, piquillo peppers, celery and olives. Add the dressing and toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper and serve.

Make Ahead:

The dressing can be made up to two days ahead and refrigerated.

Look at these GIGANTIC Panties!

While perusing cool clothes from the early 60s à la Mad Men, I ran across this page from the 1964 Fall Sears Catalog.  WOW – those are some LARGE PANTIES.  Was this really what they were wearing under all those beautiful clothes?  GIANT HUMUNGOUS  JUMBO GARGANTUAN UNDERWEAR?  It’s such a… let down.

(I love the Days of the Week ones – like you’re three years old and need them to remember to change your ENORMOUS UNDERPANTS.)

WTF?

The Beatles: Rock Band is going to be #@$%! Awesome

I am sooooo excited for this to come out:  09/09/09.  (What an awesome date – I’ll be  seeing The Killers at Red Rocks!)

Now THIS is a Display!

I stopped by my local Binny’s Beverage Depot to order some Corsican beer that I fell in love with last year in France, and this is what greeted me!  It was literally like 20 feet tall!  What brilliant young Binny’s worker could imagine and then pull off such an amazing sight?  Perhaps someone accidently added an extra zero when filling out the last order for cases of Smirnoff?

Too bad Smirnoff tastes like coal water and gasoline.  (I did appreciate the interspersion of the best Bloody Mary mix in the world, Zing Zang.  A nice touch as far as they could reach.)

Airport Bars of the World: BZE

BELIZE CITY, Belize – Phillip S.W. Goldson International Airport
Jet’s Bar
Located at end of Terminal

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my first and only (so far) five out of five Airport Bar of the World:  Jet’s Bar in the Belize City airport.  Never mind that it is the only bar in the Belize Interntional Airport or the only place that serves food.  It’s the proprietor Mr. Jet himself that makes his bar the best.

Jet is probably about 4′ 8″ and he doesn’t rest on his laurels.  He is busy cruising the airport for customers with his strange munchkin-like voice proclaiming “Who wants the best rum punch in Belize?”  “Who wants the best hot dog in Belize?” while taking photos and signing autographs.  His grandson works the bar, and goes into the back to make the only thing on the menu and the only hot food to be found in the whole airport:  hot dogs with ketchup.  Oh, and mayonnaise.

We were there early one day, about 10am waiting for our flight out, and the airport was pretty slow.  We got to watch Jet in all his glory, as he wasn’t too busy and there was no one to cajole outside the bar into coming in.  We had a rum punch.  Is it the best rum punch in Belize?  I don’t know as it is the only place I had a rum punch while there.  Is it the best rum punch I’ve ever had?  Hardly – but what does it matter?  They’re strong and that’s all that counts, really.

About halfway through our second rum punch a typical idiot American with a big, stupid cowboy hat comes into the bar and asks Jet if he can change a hundred-dollar bill.  (Apparently Jet also is in charge of all the money in the airport as we saw numerous employees of the airport changing and borrowing money with him.)  Jet asked, “What about a rum punch with that?”  The man looks horrified.  “It’s not even 11am!”  Jet doesn’t miss a beat.  “How about a hot dog then?”  The man looks equally horrified.  “Pringles?” Finally the man gets the fact that Jet is not a bank (to him, anyway) and perhaps the polite thing to do is to buy something to get the change.  So, he finally settles on a Gatorade.  The Gatorade is like $2.00, so Jet gives him his $98 in American Dollar change and the man says thanks and walks off and gives Jet no tip.  “Cheap-O!”  He yells, and then smiles.  Just another gringo idiot.  Not the first one, and certainly not the last.

We’re now almost done with our second rum punch and I am worried about boarding the plane as it is at the other end of the airport where I can’t see.  “Another rum punch?” He asks.  We explain we should probably go as we need to board our flight soon, besides the fact I am pretty pie-eyed for 11am.  “No problem! What flight?  To Dallas?”  He picks up the phone and talks to someone for a minute and then hangs up.  “Now, how about that rum punch?”

He had called our gate agents directly and had asked them call back when our flight began to board – which is exactly what they did.  Now, that’s service!  And, this is why I give Jet’s Bar five out of five stars.

Plusses: Best Rum Punch and Hot Dogs in Belize, Only Bar in Airport, Great Service, Good People Watching, Lots of Pringles, Jet
Minuses: Not-a-One

A T-Rating® of 5 out of 5