So we left off with me in the garage in my car waiting for Piano Dork to leave. After a few minutes in the car with the garage door down I start to feel a little claustrophobic/suicidal and get out of the car to wait. As soon as I get out of the car, I hear him finish tuning the piano with his trademark sweeping finale. Hooray! He’s leaving!
Now, our back door is actually a side service entrance that actually faces the same side of the driveway as our main, front door – which we never use, by the way. So, when I hear his footsteps coming towards me while in the garage, I was not as alarmed as one might think as it was the right direction to get out through the service entrance. I am still not alarmed when I hear him go into the bathroom right next to the garage door, as this would also be the normal thing to do on your way out. I do become alarmed, however, when I hear the door to the garage open and realize that Piano Man was coming in!
I am trapped! There is nowhere to go! Lucky for me, I am on the opposite side of the garage when he comes in, which gives me the .5 seconds to crouch down behind the workbench, next to the only other door in the garage which goes to our back porch. This door is closed and swings towards the inside, so I can’t get out fast enough. I freeze.
Yes, I was now hiding – crouching down and hiding, actually – behind a workbench from a piano tuner in my own garage. The idiocy of the moment did not escape me.
I hear more steps. He is coming right towards me! I’m trapped! What do I do???
I look up. He is standing right over me, looking at me scrunched up against the doorway to the patio. He’s staring at me with a weird look on his face. I notice his giant briefcase because it’s kind of eye-level with me. What the fuck is in there, anyway?
So, what exactly do you say when someone catches you this way? I mean, think about it! It is kind of a strange situation to find yourself in on a Wednesday afternoon for no apparent reason. There is a few seconds of awkward silence, and finally I get up out of the silly crouch and say, “Ummm. Hi.”
Now at this point I was literally out of ideas of what to do or what else to say. It’s one of those moments in life when you just have no fucking idea what is going to happen next. But, Lady Luck shines her head and Piano Man speaks the sentence that saves the day: “Didn’t your husband tell you I was coming?”
“Hey! Wow! No he didn’t! What a dumbass, that husband of mine! Having you come over and everything and letting you in the house when no one was home and then totally not mentioning it! Wow – I was wondering who was in the house and was a little freaked out! That’s why I was hiding here in the corner next to the workbench! Well, you know how forgetful those husbands can be, I mean, if his head wasn’t screwed on he’d lose his hat, right? What? Oh, this isn’t the back door! What? You came in this way, though the garden, up the patio, through the messy garage and then into the house? Well, that’s darn funny because here is the service entrance you were supposed to use! Right over here! Ha! I can’t believe you didn’t see it when you used the bathroom! What? No, I wasn’t standing here in the garage waiting for you to get the fuck out of my house because I THINK YOU ARE A WEIRDO and by the way, MY CATS DON’T SLEEP IN THE PIANO!”
Well, it kind of happened like that, anyway. To tell you the truth I don’t even remember because I was so traumatized by the sheer embarrassment of it all.
And now, we can never, ever have our piano tuned again.