When Your Old Favorites Suck… (and when they don’t)

Did you ever get excited to see a movie again that you hadn’t seen in a long time and you used to love, and then you watch it and you realize it totally sucks?  Did it always suck and you just realized it now?  Did you “grow” out of it?  Is it just too dated?

I recently caught a showing of St. Elmo’s Fire on TV.  Oh, how I remember how I loved that movie when it came out.  The excitement of seeing the Brat Pack in a grown-up world with such worldly, grown up problems!  Affairs, drugs, drinking, unrequited love – St. Elmos’ Fire had it all!  ( I even had the movie poster in my dorm room my freshman year in college.)

Now watching it, I realize this movie totally sucks balls!  It has it all, all right: bad writing, bad acting, cliché plot points, bad music.  (Well, maybe not the music – that was just an unfortunate byproduct of the times. The saxophone was quite popular in the 80’s – can someone explain to me why?)  It makes me kind of sad: realizing that I am no longer so gullible as to like drivel like this.

But, there is hope…

Caddyshack (1980): Anyone who knows me knows this always has been (and always will be) my all-time favorite movie.  If you don’t laugh about 25 times out loud while watching the slobs vs. the snobs, well… then there is something wrong with you.  (Love it so much, hosted a Caddyshack costume party last year.  Now, that’s dedication.)

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Airplane  (1980): I wasn’t allowed to see this movie in the theater when it first came out (I was 12) because it was deemed too risqué, but I did see it later on some friend’s massive Beta tape player.  This makes me laugh as much now as it did then.  How can jokes be corny and brilliant at the same time?  Only though the magic of the Zucker/Abrhams/Zucker team –  imitators need not apply.

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Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1985): One of my all-time favorites.  I was a high school senior the year Ferris Bueller came out, so basically Ferris was me – or at least who I wanted to be.  Captures what I felt like at that age absolutely perfectly with not one iota of phoniness or contrivance.  When they talk of John Hughes speaking for a generation, this is the movie I think of and not 16 Candles or The Breakfast Club.

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Grease (1978): I completely understand how 10 year old girls go crazy over High School Musical or Glee – it’s just their version of Grease.  No, I didn’t understand what it meant when Rizzo was “knocked up” or that really the movie was telling me to change who I am to get the guy – but with all those great songs, what did it matter?  I played the album so much, I wore it out – and I can still sing every word to every song.  Grease still is the word – just ask any 10 year old girl.

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This is Spinal Tap (1984): I admit, I didn’t see this for a few years until I was in college, but it was a history-changing moment for me.  It was funny, yes – but it was dry – very dry –  and I loved it.   The mockumentary had been around before this, but this one was the best of the genre – and it still is.   (I have probably seen this move 50 times and I still see something new every time that I didn’t see before.) This one is definitely an 11.

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Animal House (1978): I didn’t see this one until college either, but since I was in college, it made total sense.  This movie is timeless, whether you are in college in 1963 or 2003.  Toga parties, cheating on tests, road trips, getting drunk: That pretty much sums it up.  (Although, I was in a sorority in college, and I have to break it to you that not once did we have topless pillow fights – – sorry.)

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Raising Arizona (1987): My first contact with the genius of Ethan & Joel Cohen.  Here we are 20 years later and the minds behind Fargo, The Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou etc. etc. and this one is still one of my favorties. I think I saw it at our discount college theater about 10 times and seen it about 30 since then.  It’s still hilarious.  Well, maybe only if you find round funny.

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About Last Night (1986): You may have noticed that the rest of my list is basically comedies.  It’s not that I’m not a sentimental person – I think it’s just that you’re not as sentimental about the same things at 16 as you are at 40 – chalk it up to experience.  But, there’s something about this movie…  I loved this movie in high school, I loved this movie in college, I really loved this movie as a 20-something living in Chicago, and I love this movie now.  Yes, the clothes, the bar scene and the music are dated, but watching Rob Lowe and Demi Moore fall in love, move in together, and then have the most gut-wrenching break up ever breaks me up every time.

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Tomorrow:  More old favorites that now suck ass.

Where Do I Get the Toaster Car?

I don’t know why I love this commercial so much.  Frankly, I’d rather have the Toaster car.  Good jamz, though.

Tattoo Follies

Another good tattoo:  Camel Toe.

Someone asked me after the Blago Tatto post if I had any tattoos.  Yes, I do – three, actually.  Let’s go through them one by one:

1. Sorority letters on my ankle – chalk that one up to “Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.”
2. Small flower on my calf – got it in Miami when my husband was getting Chilly Willy on his calf.  Yes, Chilly Willy.  My favorite because I designed it myself.
3. Tiny green star on my other ankle.  Got it in Chicago when my husband was adding ice cube tears to Chilly Willy.  Got infected = my last tattoo.

I’m kind of ambivalent about the tattoos now that I am older.  They are so small that you don’t really notice them, but were they really needed?  I guess the best part about them are the memories of having them done.

Chilly Willy is awesome, BTW.  One of my good friends designed it for him and it gets lots of attention wherever we go.  Why Chilly Willy?  Well, as he always says, “Why not?”

Why not, indeed.

Random Memories from a Generation Xer

Man, I am getting old….

• Parachute Pants and Jelly Shoes
• Orange Crush (Broncos ’77!)
• Dilly Bars
• Casa Bonita
• Wearing Two Izods
• Elitches (before it was downtown)
• My First Car (1976 Chevette – wrecked it two weeks later)
• Love Boat & Fantasy Island every Saturday Night!
• The Breakfast Club
• Fat Albert
• TV before Remotes
• Cheyenne Mountain Zoo
• The Amazing VCR
• Buckingham Square Mall
• Musicland
• Smoking Allowed in Theaters
• Smoking Allowed on Planes
• Smoking my First and  Last Cigarette in the Same Week
• Dynamite Magazine
• Orange Julius
• Ocean Pacific shorts
• Pancakes for Dinner
• Shaun Cassidy
• Grease
• CB Radios
• BJ and the Bear
• 45s
• K-Tel Records
• Miles Kimball

There Are No Words.

This is a real tattoo from someone who really, really loves Chicago.  But, really, Blago on your tattoo?

See the full story here.

My Love for the Chicken

Can I please tell you that I love this stuff so much, I just slather it on bread and eat it?  I love hot sauce in general, but this stuff is the bomb.  Where have you been all my life, Huy Fong?

The first time I ever had this was when I was doing a week-long river rafting tour down the Middle Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho a few years ago.  We had these awesome guides that would set up our tents each night and cook us three incredible meals a day while we fished , hiked and rafted all day.  The first morning at breakfast, the main guide was putting out the spread and was worried because he couldn’t find ‘the chicken sauce.”  I was getting worried because the last thing I’m eating for breakfast is eggs with chicken sauce as I  have a serious problem with eggs and chicken in the same meal – it seems wrong on many levels.  Turns out “the chicken sauce” was Huy Fong brand Siriacha chili sauce.  He found it, I tried it, and I’ve probably consumed 10 gallons of it since then.

The sauce is a Vietnamese-inspired sauce made from red jalapeño peppers, garlic, sugar, salt and vinegar invented by Huy Fong Food’s founder, David Tran.  He took the sauce one step further by making it his own concoction and marketed it a “sauce for everyone” instead of just for the Asian community.   There have been many imitators over the years, but no one beats Huy Fong brand.

I eat it on everything: soups, sandwiches, pizza, potatoes, sushi – you name it.  But, for some reason (must be the rooster on the label) it goes the best with eggs in any form.  Now, if they make a cocktail out of this, I may have to give up the rum.

Just kidding.

( If you’re interested, here’s an interesting article about the sauce, from the New York Times from last year._

There’s No “P” in USA

Just an observation:  When did we become a nation of problem urinators?  All I hear on the radio or see on TV are ads for drugs that either make you pee more or make you pee less.  The names sound fake if you didn’t know they were real:

PEE LESS:
Vesicare
Enablex
Detrol
Toviaz

PEE MORE:
Avodart
Flomax
Urimax
Rapiflo (I want to meet the marketeer that came up with that one)

It seems that it’s the women that pee too much and the men that can’t pee enough. What happened to peeing just right?

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what the hell is going on with that Charmin Bear family?  What do they do, eat nothing but fiber sandwiches all day long?

The Blago Trial Begins!

Oh goodie!  After 18 months of anticipation, the Rod Blagojevich corruption trial has begun!

I have a sad confession to make: I voted for Blago. Twice.  And, I hate to say this, but I would probably vote for him again – even though deep down I know he is batshit crazy.  I have a soft spot for Blago because back when I was single and diagnosed with thyroid cancer and couldn’t get health insurance after my COBRA ran out, Blago mandated a program that forced major insurance companies in Illinois to pool people like me and cover us at the same cost as everyone else.  It was a life saver for me, and I’m sure many, many people like me.  Say what you will about nutty Blago, but I think he really believes he was fighting “for the people” when it came to insurance and healthcare for those that got stuck in the shitty system that everyone seems so reluctant to change.  At the time, Illinois was one of only a handful of states that had such a program, and had I lived somewhere else I would have been fucked.

Is he “cuckoo” like Mayor Daley called him back in 2009?  Yes.  Is he guilty of corruption?  Probably – but so is every other politician from this state, including those that have gone on to bigger and better things.  Anyone that lives here knows how things work – I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying that’s how it is.  This type of shit happens every single day.  Rod just made the mistake of pissing off the wrong people and thinking he was beyond reproach because, well, he’s batshit crazy, remember?  It comes full circle.

Many pundits here in Chicago think that the case against Blago is weak and he may walk.  I think that juries are basically too stupid to follow the facts (I know this from personal experience on a jury) and it is really just a crapshoot.  But, if he is convicted, then he won’t be alone:  He can join our other esteemed Governor Ryan in the big house and help us live up to the motto:

Illinois:  Where the Governors Make the License Plates.

RHONY on STJ

Okay, I know… but, lord help me, I am hooked on Bravo’s Real Housewives series, and the New York is my favorite.  Recently the “ladies” (I use that term loosely) took a vacation down to St. John (notice there is no “s” – dumbasses can’t even get the name of the island right.)  to celebrate Crazy Eyes Ramona’s vow renewal and hilarity and drama ensued.

We were actually on-island last November when they were filming, although we never saw them in town.  Much more attention was being paid to the Hooters Girls, who were also on-island shooting a calendar.  I did manage to run into them one day at the Westin Resort, as we had taken our group over there for a day on the beach with a bartender.  Problem was, beach and bar were closed for the calendar shoot.  So, tecnically, the fucking Hooters Girls got between me and my rum & diets – not a good thing. It is a good thing that there are 10,000,000 bars on STJ, so my problem was resolved rather quickly.

Anyway, I thought it was so funny watching the completed RHONY shows while knowing where they were.  The villa where they stayed  is Presidio Del Mar, one of the biggest eyesores on the island (which, also just happens to be for sale right now for the low, low price of $32 million.)  Also, they had their food catered by well-known on-island chef Mathayom Vacharat, and word is that everything was a disaster basically because the ladies were overly demanding and as far as fabulous food goes on St. John, there are slim pickins.  (Don’t believe for a minute that Bethenny cooked those meals herself.)

Why do I watch this crap?  I don’t know, honestly – I don’t.  Andy Cohen has some sort of window into my soul where he programs shows that I want – no, need – to watch.  (Either that, or I was a 29 year old gay guy from the East Coast in another life – not that there’s anything wrong with that….)

Oh, and if you are into RHONY and can admit it, you’ll love this blog of a snarky gay guy who makes incredible characatures of all the housewives.  (He also made the video above.)

I’m baaaaaaaack!

Oh, good lord – I have been away for awhile!  I had been working on a big project, which I am happy to say is done for the time being (Phase II is due by the end of September) so I can get back to what is important in life:  bitching, traveling and eating.

So, while I was gone:

• 303 Taxi Still Sucks
• I went to Chili’s again last week, and just said, “fuck it” and got some disgusting chicken boners or whatever they’re called and felt sick all night.  Last bowling until fall, so I won’t be back there any time soon, thank Jeebus.
• I still get the same amount of hits on this site whether I am writing or not.  Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

It’s good to be back in the world of the living!