If I Only Had These Balls…

I’m having client problems again.  Well, not really again – it’s always the same fucking client with the same fucking idiotic problems.  Sometimes I really feel if I were to give myself a lobotomy it may be better, as then at least this client and I would be on a level playing field.   When I am feeling this way, I sometimes turn to this chap’s website, as his copies of emails and stories regarding his graphic design business always makes me laugh.  I wish I had his balls.

Here is a link to my favorite of his hilarious posts – although they are all pretty funny.  Also, check out “Missing Missy” and “Overdue Account”.

Taking a deep breath, and back to work…

The Scariest Children’s Book of All Time: Chapter 1

Okay, cheezy props aside, what the hell were these people thinking with the eyes on these zombie cats?   I mean, seriously, something is very wrong with them… especially the one in the gingham overalls.  There’s something not quite right about him.  Actually, they are all hideous – they scare the hell out of me!

And, Im trying to figure out the scale here.  Are they giant puppets and the props are regular size?  Or, are they tiny and the props are doll house size? For some reason, I feel that they are in-between and the props were somehow made for this shoot.  What’s up with that blue lantern-thingy?  Are those balls of string for knitting or batting around the house?  Why is there a fish embroidered on the mommy cat’s apron?  Why is this all so fucking creepy????

The Scariest Children’s Book of All Time

Ladies and Gentlemen:  I give you the most frightening children’s book of all time.  This was a gift to me by a good friend.  This was hers as a child and she said at the time she was somewhat obsessed with it.  For some reason, she thought I would appreciate the incredible oddness that permeates this classic tale of the three little kittens who lose their mittens.  I will be posting the entire book this week.

A little background: The book is labeled to be from the Renewal Products Incorporated Eduacational Games and Aids Division.  Now if that doesn’t sound like fun fucking company, then I don’t know what does!  The oddness begins on the first page, where we find out that actually, this is a Japanese publication.  The copyright is from 1971 from the Frobel-Kan Company Limited and says it was printed and bound in Japan.  Oh, and the “pictures” are attibuted to the Rose Art Studios.  And wait until you see the magical work of these studios!  Avatar got nothin’ on them!

So, as we see on the beautiful cover, the three little kittens are washing their mittens among some sort shag carpet and chroma-key background.  I keep expecting to see a weather map behind them.  Obviously no kitten can wash anything without using CAT SOAP POWDER, because using DOG SOAP POWDER would be suicide back in the 70s.  And what shag carpet would be complete without plastic flowers strategically placed around the wash bucket?  Oh, Rose Art Studios, your composition skills wow and amaze….

Stay tuned tomorrow for Chapter One.

Thanksgiving (and a little Norman Rockwell)

How many times have you thought of Thanksgiving and also thought of this ubiquitous painting by American artist Norman Rockwell?  (Not that anyone in the history of time ever had a Thanksgiving that looked like this, but we like to think that we do…)  Anyway, seeing this picture again reminded me of a a fascinating article I read last month in Vanity Fair about the interesting process that Norman Rockwell actually used to create his paintings.  Rockwell used staged photographs (and plenty of them) to create the look and feel he wanted for his finished portraits.

The article is based from information from a newly published book on Rockwell called Norman Rockwell: Behind the Camera by Ron Schick.  The article and the book are both really a really interesting look into the creative process of one of our most overlooked artists.

Check it out – and happy Thanksgiving!

Vanity Fair: Norman Rockwell’s American Dream
Amazon.com: Norman Rockwell: Behind the Camera by Ron Schick

Worst Commercial Photoshop Ever

pv

I’m definitely not a Photoshop expert, but even if I tried I could not pull off this disaster – found on the package for the Wii game Pet Vet. I am shocked that this would even make it out of a DeVry Photoshop I class –  let alone on to a real actual product.

I don’t know what’s worse: the freakishly giant rabbit?  The phony orange cat who’s not even in the same state? The fake hair on the Miley Cyrus look-alike?  (or, my favorite line from the Photoshop Disaster site this came from, “the horse with Hitler’s haircut?”)

I’ve seen a lot of bad Photoshop from people who don’t know what they’re doing and I’ve seen some really bad Photoshop from people who think they know what they’re doing – but I’ve never seen this bad of Photoshop from someone who is supposed to know what they’re doing!

Two words:  This sucks.

Photoshop Disasters

Mad Men & Mad Fonts

hammster

As any fan of Mad Men knows, the baby-daddy of the show, Matthew Weiner, is obsessed with getting every detail of Mad Men historically correct no matter how small… (The current season is set in 1963.) But, in this day and age it turns out there are people out there that are more obsessed than he – especially in the font department.  (New word of the day for me: historicism)

Turns out Weiner (or someone involved with the show) even stepped into the same shitstorm as IKEA did a few weeks ago, as they dared to use crappy Microsoft wanna-be Arial as his closing credit font (gasp!) instead of the classic and more age-appropriate Helvetica.  I think I’ve finally got it: when in doubt, never fuck with Helvetica or Futura!

The font in this ad for Season 3 seems to be, thankfully, age-appropriate and all’s right with the world again.  (Also, I really just wanted to post this shot of the gorgeous Don Draper aka Jon Hamm.)

If you’re interested in all the minutia, here’s a great article by Font God Mark Simonson from last year.