KFC Has Balls of Fat

Thanks to one of my faithful readers for giving me a heads up on this new delicacy from KFC.  May I introduce you to the KFC Double Down:  Bacon, cheese, special sauce with two pieces of fried chicken as the “bun.”   There is literally not one ingredient in this so-called sandwich that isn’t heart-stopping in it’s pure fatiness.  It’s basically squares of fat, with strips of fat, with a sauce of fat between two proteins dipped in fat and fried…. in fat.

I have to applaud KFC for having the balls to introduce this monstrosity in this day and age of White House vegetable gardens and british chefs telling us we eat crap.  It’s like KFC just gave a big fried chicken finger to all the  tofu-lovin’ organic-buyin’ tree-huggin’ namby-pamby big brother liberal crybabies out there.  America, fuck yeah!

Not sure it’s good marketing move to kill your demographic, though.

The Double Down will be available April 12. Cardiologists everywhere prepare to double down on business.

McDonald’s Makes the Crappy Shamrock Shake More Crappy

Full disclosure:  I hate the Shamrock Shake – always have.  It has two things in this world that I can’t stand:  ice cream and mint.  (Well, ice cream is a relative term, as I believe the shakes at McDonald’s have never had ice cream within 100 miles of them… but I digress.)  The only thing I hate at McDonald’s more than the Shamrock Shake is the McRib.  But, the fact that I hate the Shamrock Shake has nothing to do with my complaint about it.

Why is is so difficult for the marketing geniuses at McDonald’s to understand that people don’t want you to fuck with their food?  Am I the only one who gets that the reason people go to McDonald’s is because of the consistency of the product line?  You want to have the same crappy Quarter Pounder that you had when you were 16 – – it’s a comfort thing, not a quality thing.  I’m no corporate marketeer any more, but  I’m willing to bet that 90% of McDonald’s sales are the same core products: hamburgers, cheeseburgers, Quarter Pounders & Big Macs.  (Maybe throw Chicken McNuggets in there somewhere, as it was probably the last food introduction that the American public embraced with any enthusiasm – in 1980 – and I’m sure most of those sold are to kids.)  It’s fairly obvious that we don’t want to go to McDonalds and have salads, burritos, pizza, soup, sloppy joes or filet mignon.

So, it is in this vein that I was incredulous when I saw the recent ads touting the yearly return of the Shamrock Shake, only to see that they added whipped cream and a cherry to it!  WTF?  It’s not a fucking Starbucks latte!  And, for some reason, the boneheads at McDonald’s have seemed to forgotten that people are very, very attached to this crappy product.  Hell, before the internet, they had snail mail fan clubs for the Shamrock Shake complete with t-shirts and newsletters.  I have a feeling that fucking with the Shamrock Shake is not going to go over well with Shamrock Shake enthusiasts.  I haven’t seen much about it yet, as I think they just returned (to Chicago anyway) this week.  But, again, McDonald’s doesn’t seem to get that they should just keep churning out the same old shit and we’ll be happy.

Don’t fuck with the Shamrock Shake!!!!  You have been warned.

The Art & Science of Title Sequences

I am a year behind on watching Dexter (SO FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END OF SEASON 4!) and have been watching Season 3 on DVD from Netflix for the past few weeks.  I have always been interested in title sequences, so I was trying to figure out who did the freaky title sequence for Dexter and found this neat little site that has little tidbits about a bunch of them.  Fun thing to check out if you want to waste some time.

Especially cool are ones I kind of forgot about: Edward Scissorhands, Carnivàle, To Kill a Mockingbird, Resevoir Dogs and Thank you for Smoking.

Visit theartofthetitle.com.

PS – Is it me, or does Dexter look like Brett Favre?

Worst Commercial Photoshop Ever

pv

I’m definitely not a Photoshop expert, but even if I tried I could not pull off this disaster – found on the package for the Wii game Pet Vet. I am shocked that this would even make it out of a DeVry Photoshop I class –  let alone on to a real actual product.

I don’t know what’s worse: the freakishly giant rabbit?  The phony orange cat who’s not even in the same state? The fake hair on the Miley Cyrus look-alike?  (or, my favorite line from the Photoshop Disaster site this came from, “the horse with Hitler’s haircut?”)

I’ve seen a lot of bad Photoshop from people who don’t know what they’re doing and I’ve seen some really bad Photoshop from people who think they know what they’re doing – but I’ve never seen this bad of Photoshop from someone who is supposed to know what they’re doing!

Two words:  This sucks.

Photoshop Disasters

The End of Gourmet Magazine

gourmet

This is a sad say in the culinary world.  Gourmet Magazine, the oldest cooking publication in they United States is folding.  Condé Nast chopped the mag in a cost-cutting move along with three other titles.  They only have two cooking titles, Gourmet and Bon Appétit, and they chose to keep BA over Gourmet.  Of course, I get them both, along with Food & Wine and Saveur, but Gourmet has always been my favorite.

The magazine was published since December, 1940. The move comes as somewhat a surprise to foodies, as the Gourmet title has prestige. Or it did, anyway.  Another example of mediocrity over substance in my opinion.