Old Favorites that Suck – Part II

The Breakfast Club (1985): I know this is probably sacrilege with my peers, but this movie doesn’t stand the test of time to me like Ferris Beuller. Oh, I loved this movie as much as anyone when I first saw it in high school and wanted so badly to be a Claire when I was probably more like a Brian.  (I remember when Claire pulled out her bento box sushi lunch, I had no idea what it was…) But when I watch it now it just seems so… contrived.  The characters are supposed to be representations of all the clichés in high school – I get that – but, they are all so one-dimensional, even in the end when they are supposed to have “grown.”  The plot is a little ham-handed and the dialogue seems so unnaturally dramatic at times – it just doesn’t do it for me any more. ( I do still give it five stars for music, and the fade to black ending with “Don’t You Forget About Me” is a total classic.)

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Revenge of the Nerds (1984): How this stinker managed to spawn three sequels over 10 years is quite the mystery to me.  I used to think this was the funniest movie ever and now I can’t even watch it when it’s on TV.  I should have figured out that this was destined to not age well when I realized Ted McGinley was in it.  See Happy Days, The Love Boat, Married with Children, et al.

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Children of a Lesser God (1986):  This used to be my favorite movie for a long time… I don’t know what happened!  The last time I watched it I was cringing with the clunky dramatic plot points and total overacting done by Mr. Bill Hurt.  The crappy score didn’t help – it’s way too dated now with the screechy 80s synthesizer muzak and saxophones.  Well, okay – there really were no saxophones, but you get the idea.  I don’t know if it had something to do with the fact that I met William Hurt once while traveling in Austria and he was a total condescending asshat.  But, he wasn’t such an asshat as to make me hate the movie until much later, so who knows…  The sex scenes are still pretty hot, though!

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Bachelor Party (1984): I have to be upfront and disclose that I had a major crush on Tom Hanks back in the day.  It started with Bosom Buddies (yes, I liked that show – but c’mon – I was 12)  and continued on for a few years.  Sadly, like this movie, my crush on Tom Hanks petered out some time in the 90s.  Go figure – I didn’t like him once he started making award-winning movies.  (I like losers, dammit!)  Anyway, I used to think this movie was Hi-larious, but a recent viewing made me realize that not only is this movie lame and not funny, but basically filmed on the worst set ever built for a so-called Hollywood movie.  Seriously – what hotel room looks like that? I think my rose-colored Tom Hanks glasses made me see something that wasn’t there.  Go rent The Hangover if you’re hankering for bachelor party fun and go rent Splash if you’re hankering for cutie-pie Tom Hanks before he got all actor-y on us.

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Strange Brew (1983): Oh, how I loved Bob & Doug McKenzie.  I had their Great White North album,  wore a Great White North t-shirt to school when my mom wasn’t looking, and I saw this movie more than once when it came out thinking it was brilliance on celluloid!  Further viewings prove that once again, it is difficult at best to turn a funny 5-minute sketch on a TV show into a full-length feature.  Something that MacGruber, A Night at the Roxbury, Coneheads, Stuart Saves His Family, Superstar, It’s Pat and The Ladies Man could have thought about before wasting their money.  (The standouts when they are good, are really good: Wayne’s World and The Blues Brothers are classics, but obviously this is not the rule.)  Anyway, this movie is snoresville – go listen to the album instead.

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Titanic (1997): Yes, I know it’s the second-highest grossing film of all time.  Yes, I know that people went and saw this movie 10-15 times in a row.  Yes, I actually went out and bought the soundtrack.  Yes, I used to secretly like that Celine Dion song.  You know what?  It’s really not that good.  It’s too long, too overly dramatic, and too… well, just too contrived.  The heartbreaking love story I thought it was about before now seems engineered and shallow. I think that people at the time were just overwhelmed with the experience of the movie’s special effects and didn’t notice the secondary fact that the plot is sub-par. (And the fact that I was also in a doomed romance at the time has nothing to do with it… really!)  Wanna cry your eyes out?  Go rent Bridges of Madison County.

When Your Old Favorites Suck… (and when they don’t)

Did you ever get excited to see a movie again that you hadn’t seen in a long time and you used to love, and then you watch it and you realize it totally sucks?  Did it always suck and you just realized it now?  Did you “grow” out of it?  Is it just too dated?

I recently caught a showing of St. Elmo’s Fire on TV.  Oh, how I remember how I loved that movie when it came out.  The excitement of seeing the Brat Pack in a grown-up world with such worldly, grown up problems!  Affairs, drugs, drinking, unrequited love – St. Elmos’ Fire had it all!  ( I even had the movie poster in my dorm room my freshman year in college.)

Now watching it, I realize this movie totally sucks balls!  It has it all, all right: bad writing, bad acting, cliché plot points, bad music.  (Well, maybe not the music – that was just an unfortunate byproduct of the times. The saxophone was quite popular in the 80’s – can someone explain to me why?)  It makes me kind of sad: realizing that I am no longer so gullible as to like drivel like this.

But, there is hope…

Caddyshack (1980): Anyone who knows me knows this always has been (and always will be) my all-time favorite movie.  If you don’t laugh about 25 times out loud while watching the slobs vs. the snobs, well… then there is something wrong with you.  (Love it so much, hosted a Caddyshack costume party last year.  Now, that’s dedication.)

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Airplane  (1980): I wasn’t allowed to see this movie in the theater when it first came out (I was 12) because it was deemed too risqué, but I did see it later on some friend’s massive Beta tape player.  This makes me laugh as much now as it did then.  How can jokes be corny and brilliant at the same time?  Only though the magic of the Zucker/Abrhams/Zucker team –  imitators need not apply.

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Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1985): One of my all-time favorites.  I was a high school senior the year Ferris Bueller came out, so basically Ferris was me – or at least who I wanted to be.  Captures what I felt like at that age absolutely perfectly with not one iota of phoniness or contrivance.  When they talk of John Hughes speaking for a generation, this is the movie I think of and not 16 Candles or The Breakfast Club.

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Grease (1978): I completely understand how 10 year old girls go crazy over High School Musical or Glee – it’s just their version of Grease.  No, I didn’t understand what it meant when Rizzo was “knocked up” or that really the movie was telling me to change who I am to get the guy – but with all those great songs, what did it matter?  I played the album so much, I wore it out – and I can still sing every word to every song.  Grease still is the word – just ask any 10 year old girl.

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This is Spinal Tap (1984): I admit, I didn’t see this for a few years until I was in college, but it was a history-changing moment for me.  It was funny, yes – but it was dry – very dry –  and I loved it.   The mockumentary had been around before this, but this one was the best of the genre – and it still is.   (I have probably seen this move 50 times and I still see something new every time that I didn’t see before.) This one is definitely an 11.

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Animal House (1978): I didn’t see this one until college either, but since I was in college, it made total sense.  This movie is timeless, whether you are in college in 1963 or 2003.  Toga parties, cheating on tests, road trips, getting drunk: That pretty much sums it up.  (Although, I was in a sorority in college, and I have to break it to you that not once did we have topless pillow fights – – sorry.)

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Raising Arizona (1987): My first contact with the genius of Ethan & Joel Cohen.  Here we are 20 years later and the minds behind Fargo, The Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou etc. etc. and this one is still one of my favorties. I think I saw it at our discount college theater about 10 times and seen it about 30 since then.  It’s still hilarious.  Well, maybe only if you find round funny.

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About Last Night (1986): You may have noticed that the rest of my list is basically comedies.  It’s not that I’m not a sentimental person – I think it’s just that you’re not as sentimental about the same things at 16 as you are at 40 – chalk it up to experience.  But, there’s something about this movie…  I loved this movie in high school, I loved this movie in college, I really loved this movie as a 20-something living in Chicago, and I love this movie now.  Yes, the clothes, the bar scene and the music are dated, but watching Rob Lowe and Demi Moore fall in love, move in together, and then have the most gut-wrenching break up ever breaks me up every time.

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Tomorrow:  More old favorites that now suck ass.

Please, Please, Please Go See This Movie

Funny?  Check.
Heartbreak?  Check.
Smiths’ Songs?  Check.

Yes, 500 Days of Summer, you had me at the first scene when your main characters both had Morrissey and Smiths album covers on the wall in their rooms as sullen teens.  Couple that with a few heartbreaker Smiths songs, and you have the perfect little movie.

Oh, the plot is pretty good, too.

500 Days of Summer Soundtrack

Sex in the City Sux

So I finally saw Sex in the City last night with a girlfriend.  As usual, I’m a few weeks late – but my friend is a firefighter and her schedule is insane, so I had to wait until we could both go to see it.  I have to admit, I was kind of excited to see it – I loved the HBO series and followed Carrie’s heartbreak with Big like everyone else who’s had a few of her own.  Yes, I wanted (and cared) to know what happened… I am a girl, dammit!

Well,  the movie kind of sucks.

I wasn’t unwatchable or anything, but it just… lacked something.  (Or maybe it had “too much” – it seemed to last for hours.)  The storyline was kind of weak, too – but here are my main gripes: 

1. Silly Clothes.  Sometimes it seemed they just had random scenes thrown in to dress them up in ridiculous outfits to strut around and never really go anywhere.  The clothes were really, really hideous –  I don’t care how much they fucking cost.  At one point my friend and I were actually moaning out loud when a new ugly outfit would show up.  I know that cutting-edge fashion is kind of a trademark of the show – but I think maybe they are too old to get away with it now, or cutting-edge fashion has gone up about 100 more points on the Butt-Ugly scale – or both.
    
2. Bad Acting.  Really bad acting, actually.  Jennifer Hudson – how did this woman win an Oscar?  She was terrible.  The guy that plays Smith – was he always that bad?  He also looks like he’s not aging well… maybe that’s why I now notice his poor acting “skilllllz.”  The little kid that played the Chinese adoptee?  Awful – and she literally had like two lines!  If you can’t teach your child actor two lousy lines, then perhaps that is not her calling in life – and you can’t be cute forever (re: Smith above.)
    
3. Bad Writing.  I think the moment this hit home for me was when my friend and I were guessing plot points (LOVE as the password, anyone?) and saying lines out loud along with the movie because they were so cliché and predictable.  It just seemed like the writing was phoned-in as they were busy spending the Big Movie Budget on idiotic clothing.  

Maybe things are just better as a TV show and they should just leave it alone.  Or, maybe I’m older now and am just “not that into” it any more. Or, maybe it just sucked.  (Oh, and Sarah Jessica Parker should really stick to TV, as seeing her face at movie-sized proportions is just not a good thing, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.)

Summary:   This clip pretty much sums up my total experience last night.  Too bad!

OSCARS: So Many Complaints… So Little Time

  

Okay…  I admit it.  I am one of those people that kind of get in to the Academy Awards.  I watched the entire thing tonight – without interruption.  Mostly because my husband is out of town, so he couldn’t get bored and therefore interrupt me.  I actually took some illegible notes as I sipped some of my favorite Pinot Noirs.   Here is what I could make of it all after the fact:

 

1.  C –  List Presenters:  Well, I originally wrote Z List, but now I realize I am being a little mean.  (i.e. George Clooney + Cameron Diaz = C-)  Was it the Strike?  Was it writer laziness?  Was it no one fucking cares?  Why were we subjected to such an overall lame group? Patrick Dempsey? Miley Cyrus? Come on.
2. International Flair: Enjoyed the fact that there were many winners tonight that did not have english as a first language.  Again, our laziness and dropping the ball due the strike may have had something to do with people from other countries winning the big prize.  Yay!  It’s finally a real award, unlike the Miss Universe Contest.
3. Jon Stewart was Lame.  I’m sorry – I really love him on The Daily Show, but he really was no good tonight.  I felt like they had a pre-strike show already written, and then after the strike ended, they didn’t really fix it.  No smart jokes, extreme lameness, and overall mediocre effort from someone I usually equate with excellence.  Boo.
4. No One was There.  Okay, I admit – I didn’t watch the red carpet coverage because I hate that shit.  But, watching just the telecast – it seemed that no one was there.  All I saw were the same 10 people over and over on camera.  Thank God for George Clooney.  He is hot.
5. George Clooney is Fucking Hot.  He is.  End of story.

That’s all I got for tonight – thanks for playin’

 

 

Happy Birthday, Ferris Bueller

Okay, where does the time go? Do you realize that Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick, of course) is 45 years old today? Sheesh – Ferris is old? Well, Matthew Broderick may be, but Ferris is getting there.

You see, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off came out in the summer of 1986, right after I graduated high school. It was the perfect movie, as Ferris was a high school senior getting ready to go to college, just like me. I thought this movie was the coolest movie ever when I saw it – it was funny, well written, had great music, and spoke to me. I saw it about six times in the theater. I even bought a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off movie poster for my dorm room. Cool.

I have to say this movie has held up pretty well over the years. I still enjoy watching it and it still makes me laugh. It’s extra special to me since it takes place in Chicago, where I live now. When I moved here in 1990 I moved to the suburb where much of Ferris Bueller was filmed – Northbrook, IL. (In fact, the Northbrook town water tower still had “Save Ferris” painted on it, beleive it or not.) Over the years I did all the Ferris things – went to Cubs games, stared at the beautiful stained glass in the Art Institute, ate pancreas at Chez Quiz (it was actually called Chez Paul), drove down Lake Shore Drive on a sunny day in a convertible. Ferris rules!

Many so-called teen comedies in the 80s that I really loved at the time really suck when you watch them now (St Elmo’s Fire, About Last Night, Breakfast Club) but Ferris stands the test of time. My only problem: How can Matthew Broderick be six years older than me?

Save Ferris!