Lordy, Lordy! I’m back!

Wow – ’tis been awhile!  But, after a few surreal weeks, I am back to real life.  Here’s a little video that may explain some of my time:

* super prize to anyone who can find me a copy of lyrics to this song, spanish or english.

Pump Technology Stalled!

cheezpump

Don’t ask me how I ran across this, but I do have to say I was shocked when I found out how much one of those Nacho Cheese Pump Dispensers costs!  Imagine the capital investment from 7-11 alone!

I hate to admit that I used these quite a bit back in my college days – there was a 7-11 not too far from my sorority house, and we used to go there and get gooey nachos with both Nacho Cheese and Chili – straight from the pump.  We called them our “Study Break Nachos” – although I don’t remember doing the studying part to take said break from – but, I digress…

Since that was 20 years ago, I am amazed that the Pump Technology didn’t really advance after the addition of Chili to the line-up.  And what a feat that was!  Imagine the kudos the young Pump Technology Engineer received after he perfected the use of putting chili through a pump.  This rising star must have left the industry soon after and went to NASA or CERN to do bigger and better things. I don’t know how else to explain that after this amazing technological feat, we have nothing else to show in the Pump Technology field.  Why, if this technology had advanced we could have so many things in a pump!  Dare I dream?

  • Bacon
  • Pizza
  • Hollandaise Sauce
  • Melted Butter
  • Cinnamon Buns
  • Chicken à la King
  • Meatloaf

The possibilities are endless…

I beseige you young engineers out there to take up where our young star left off and go back into the Pump Technology field.  Do it for yourself.  Do it for your country.  Do it for humanity!

Yes, I Had Pants Like This.

bonkerz

This post over at Jezebel delves head-first into the lovely fashion world of 1972 via the ubiquitous Sears Catalog.  This particular post focuses on the fashions of the children of 1972 – which would include me as I was 3 1/2 in the spring of 1972 when this catalog came out.

What the fuck were these people on, anyway?  What adult in their right mind thinks that this is mainstream America-wear?  It’s like the whole world went crazy.  I can’t decide which one is the most hideous.  Maybe the pink/blue/white/dots/stripe combo ones.

And, yes, I remember photos of me in similar if not the same pants.  I know we were big Sears shoppers.  It wasn’t my fault – I was a kid and had to wear what my obviously LSD-laden parents bought me. But, then again – look what they were wearing.

Slap Chop Area 38

 

Okay, I admit I am scarily obsessed with Vince from Sham-WOW and Slap Chop fame.  Even after his little brush with the law regarding “kissing a hooker.”  (Dude – everyone knows you never kiss the hooker!)

Anyway – some brilliant guy made this little ditty with the Slap Chop video and created a great rap o rama.

Enjoy.

(you’re gonna love my nuts!)

Yes, I Know People Like This

haw

Someone sent this to me a few months ago, and I have to admit I laughed a little.  Well, okay – a lot.  I am sorry to also admit that I know people who completely think like this.  Yes, they are idiots.  

I think my favorite is the “Cruise Ships Go Here” area – only because the Caribbean is one of my favorite places in the world precisely because there are 50+ islands which are all completely different from one another with people, culture, music, food and  other influences.  But, alas – most people probably do think that all the Caribbean is is cheap shopping and giant boat ports with McDonalds and Pizza Huts ready to feed the fat-ass Americans on board.

True Story:  I talked my husband into going on a South American Caribbean cruise a few years ago for New Years Eve.  We went on the Carnival Legend, because, we were told, Carnival is the “fun ship.”  If by fun you mean overcrowded with drunk assholes who want everything for nothing and treat the crew like shit, then you got that right. 

Anyway, one late morning when we were at sea, we made it to the breakfast buffet and were standing in the throngs of starving tourists with their plates filled to the brim with all the breakfast delights of the world.  At one point were were in the Breakfast Meat Line, where one waits for bacon, ham, sausages, etc.  There was an older gentleman in front of us who was holding up the line because he decided he wanted his bacon cooked more, even though it came out of the giant Bacon Trough with everyone else’s.  Now, as anyone who has been on a cruise can tell you, many of the workers on the ship are from places other than Whitebread, NJ and  I can also tell you that they work horrific hours for basically slave wages.  There was one guy behind the Meat Trough whose sole job seemed to be just to keep the Meat Troughs filled with buckets of fresh Meat from the kitchen.  He was the target of my neighbor in line.  He screams at the guy in some sort of Archie Bunker accent, “Hey, YOU!  This bacon is raw!  I want my bacon cooked MORE right NOW!”

The guy looked at him, but I could tell he didn’t understand him because he was from Vietnam or something – and I’m sure his job description did not entail re-cooking bacon for assholes who don’t seem to understand what a buffet is.  The guy stared at Archie Bunker but didn’t make a move for the plate of limp bacon he was trying to give him under the sneeze guard.  Couple this with the growing line of hungry people who want their Meat Products now and things were getting dicey.

After what seemed like an eternity and no movement from the guy, Archie Bunker was pissed.  “Listen, YOU,” He spat out, “You better start speaking English NOW, you son-of-a-bitch!”  Um, like the guy was not speaking English on purpose or something.  I have to say at this point I walked away because I couldn’t take this guy any more, but my husband stayed and then called him an asshole as he passed he and his 300 lb wife at a table.  This pretty much summed up the clientele on the Carnival Legend.

I never did find out if he got his bacon or not.

I’m Off to a Reality Show Venture

gr

No, not for me!  But I am off to NYC for a couple of days to go to some business meetings with my husband.  And, it just so happens that we are staying in the hotel run by one Mr. Simon Van Kampen of Real Housewives of NYC fame.  Add to that a nice dinner for Thursday at Gordon Ramsay’s (Hell’s Kitchen) restaurant (no, not the fancy-schmancy one) and probably a sandwich thrown in from Tom Colicchio’s (Top Chef) shop and I will have had a totally fake/real few days.  Keep you posted.

(Yes, I am a dork.)

Oh, and I really just wanted an excuse to post a picture of Chef Ramsay, as I think he’s kinda hot.  He may have to go on The List.

My New Favorite Website

za

 

This is Why You’re Fat is my new favorite website.  The collection of disgusting – but yet strangely alluring – dining options  (which mostly seem to be in the United States, of course) may be the motivation I need to try and stick to eating things that are good for you.  If you want to see pictures of bacon-shelled tacos, deep-fried coca-cola and my personal favorite – the “romelette” (and omelette made out of Top Ramen,) then this is the place for you.

thisiswhyyourefat.com

(Extra points for them using the correct form of “you’re” in the title and the domain name!)

TBS Still Messin’ with My Seinfeld

luv_the_sein

What up, TBS?  You still messin’ with my Seinfeld and it’s pissing me off.  First, you move it to a different time after five years of me watching every day.  Now, you move it to yet another time, and – inexplicably – you are running them out of order?  Why do I want to tune in to see random episodes?  I need to see the progression of the show as God intended – why do you have to fuck with perfection?

PUT THEM BACK IN ORDER BEFORE I LOSE IT.

Thx.

Bring Back Sirius Boombox!

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Yes, I was an early adopter with the whole satellite radio thing – I think we put it in our Mini Cooper when we bought it in 2003.  At first, I thought is was so awesome with hundreds of channels to choose from – all that music and stuff!  But, I soon realized that it is just like cable TV – all those choices and nothing really on.  (How did we watch TV with only 4 channels back in the day, anyway?)  

So, after awhile I settle on one station and it becomes not only my favorite station, but pretty much the only one I listen to.  Sirius Boombox – channel 39.  Boombox was the brainchild of DJ Liquid Todd and had a three year run as the go-to station for “break beat and electro rock”   Um, what is that?  Well, here is the official definition according to that vast knowledge datatbase, Wikipedia: 

Breakbeat (sometimes breakbeats or breaks) is a term used to describe a collection of sub-genres of electronic music, usually characterized by the use of a non-straightened 4/4 drum pattern (as opposed to the steady beat of house or trance). These rhythms may be characterised by their intensive use of syncopation and polyrhythms.

Okay, I didn’t know that either – but I do know that I like it.  The stuff I heard on Boombox became my new favorite stuff I bought for my iPod.  So, fast-forward to a few weeks ago, I get in the car and the satellite box does some sort of updating and – poof – my Boombox is no more.  It turns out that because of the Sirus/XM merger they had to do a little editing and decided to trash my station!  I got a cute note in my mailbox telling me that if I loved Boombox, I will love Alt-Rock or some lame-o pop station.  WTF????

I understand with the merger that there would be some overlap and therefore some of the redundant stations would have to go… but WHY would you turn a station off that was a unique niche and has no replacement?  Now I have nothing to listen to for my monthly fee.

I guess I’m not the only one who’s upset as there is plenty of chatter on the messageboards and blogs lamenting this stupid decision.  I thought I would add my two cents and say BRING BACK BOOMBOX fuckers!