There’s No “P” in USA

Just an observation:  When did we become a nation of problem urinators?  All I hear on the radio or see on TV are ads for drugs that either make you pee more or make you pee less.  The names sound fake if you didn’t know they were real:


Rapiflo (I want to meet the marketeer that came up with that one)

It seems that it’s the women that pee too much and the men that can’t pee enough. What happened to peeing just right?

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what the hell is going on with that Charmin Bear family?  What do they do, eat nothing but fiber sandwiches all day long?

Chili’s and the Menu from Hell

So I was at Chili’s the other day.  I know, I know… but we had to bowl for our fun league and that’s the only restaurant that’s near by – and if I have to eat there or at the bowling alley… well, I think Chili’s eeks out a win by a smidgen or so.  (Although the bowling alley does have fried pickles, which sounds strangely good, but I have yet to have them.)

The first thing I notice is that it is almost impossible to get anything even remotely good for you on this menu.  Oh, sure, they have their “Guiltless” section – but that only claims that the meal is 750 calories or less.  750 calories is “guiltless?”  WTF is the rest of it, then?  The thought scares me.

Second, a certain salad catches my eye:  The Quesadilla Explosion.  Now, again – I’m no marketing genius, but putting the words “quesadilla” and “explosion” in the same sentence seems like a bad idea.  Also, since it’s obviously not “guiltless” – I pass.

So, I ended up getting the basic Old Timer burger but had them sub the burger for a black bean burger.  Then, I get home and look it up and even that has 650 calories!  WTF?

No wonder we are a nation of fat-asses.


I thought you were talented….

BTW – the real talent is Bob Fosse’s wife – in 1969.  Google: Mexican Breakfast.

Target: Rules

I was at Target today and they had this playing over and over near the Pharmacy section.  I wasn’t sure if I thought they were lucky…or not.

God, this would have been a dream job.

PS   It’s a band called Starfucker,  Gotta love it.

McDonald’s Makes the Crappy Shamrock Shake More Crappy

Full disclosure:  I hate the Shamrock Shake – always have.  It has two things in this world that I can’t stand:  ice cream and mint.  (Well, ice cream is a relative term, as I believe the shakes at McDonald’s have never had ice cream within 100 miles of them… but I digress.)  The only thing I hate at McDonald’s more than the Shamrock Shake is the McRib.  But, the fact that I hate the Shamrock Shake has nothing to do with my complaint about it.

Why is is so difficult for the marketing geniuses at McDonald’s to understand that people don’t want you to fuck with their food?  Am I the only one who gets that the reason people go to McDonald’s is because of the consistency of the product line?  You want to have the same crappy Quarter Pounder that you had when you were 16 – – it’s a comfort thing, not a quality thing.  I’m no corporate marketeer any more, but  I’m willing to bet that 90% of McDonald’s sales are the same core products: hamburgers, cheeseburgers, Quarter Pounders & Big Macs.  (Maybe throw Chicken McNuggets in there somewhere, as it was probably the last food introduction that the American public embraced with any enthusiasm – in 1980 – and I’m sure most of those sold are to kids.)  It’s fairly obvious that we don’t want to go to McDonalds and have salads, burritos, pizza, soup, sloppy joes or filet mignon.

So, it is in this vein that I was incredulous when I saw the recent ads touting the yearly return of the Shamrock Shake, only to see that they added whipped cream and a cherry to it!  WTF?  It’s not a fucking Starbucks latte!  And, for some reason, the boneheads at McDonald’s have seemed to forgotten that people are very, very attached to this crappy product.  Hell, before the internet, they had snail mail fan clubs for the Shamrock Shake complete with t-shirts and newsletters.  I have a feeling that fucking with the Shamrock Shake is not going to go over well with Shamrock Shake enthusiasts.  I haven’t seen much about it yet, as I think they just returned (to Chicago anyway) this week.  But, again, McDonald’s doesn’t seem to get that they should just keep churning out the same old shit and we’ll be happy.

Don’t fuck with the Shamrock Shake!!!!  You have been warned.

Not Catholic? Here’s How to have a Meatless Friday Anyway

No, I’m not Catholic, but this is a good way to observe Meatless Fridays for lent this year.  Choosing between canned Ox Tounge and a block of tofu?  I’d gladly choose the tofu.

Please give your attention to the odd product on the bottom right: Derby Tid-Bits.  If you read carefully, you will notice that the Tid-Bit, which is described artfully as “a pink and white morsel of savory goodness,” is actually bits of pig’s feet.  And, “Every bit is deliciously edible!”

Um, dinner tonight in the Nacho Underpants household?  Stir Fried Tofu with Black Bean Sauce.