My Love for the Chicken

Can I please tell you that I love this stuff so much, I just slather it on bread and eat it?  I love hot sauce in general, but this stuff is the bomb.  Where have you been all my life, Huy Fong?

The first time I ever had this was when I was doing a week-long river rafting tour down the Middle Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho a few years ago.  We had these awesome guides that would set up our tents each night and cook us three incredible meals a day while we fished , hiked and rafted all day.  The first morning at breakfast, the main guide was putting out the spread and was worried because he couldn’t find ‘the chicken sauce.”  I was getting worried because the last thing I’m eating for breakfast is eggs with chicken sauce as I  have a serious problem with eggs and chicken in the same meal – it seems wrong on many levels.  Turns out “the chicken sauce” was Huy Fong brand Siriacha chili sauce.  He found it, I tried it, and I’ve probably consumed 10 gallons of it since then.

The sauce is a Vietnamese-inspired sauce made from red jalapeño peppers, garlic, sugar, salt and vinegar invented by Huy Fong Food’s founder, David Tran.  He took the sauce one step further by making it his own concoction and marketed it a “sauce for everyone” instead of just for the Asian community.   There have been many imitators over the years, but no one beats Huy Fong brand.

I eat it on everything: soups, sandwiches, pizza, potatoes, sushi – you name it.  But, for some reason (must be the rooster on the label) it goes the best with eggs in any form.  Now, if they make a cocktail out of this, I may have to give up the rum.

Just kidding.

( If you’re interested, here’s an interesting article about the sauce, from the New York Times from last year._

There’s No “P” in USA

Just an observation:  When did we become a nation of problem urinators?  All I hear on the radio or see on TV are ads for drugs that either make you pee more or make you pee less.  The names sound fake if you didn’t know they were real:

PEE LESS:
Vesicare
Enablex
Detrol
Toviaz

PEE MORE:
Avodart
Flomax
Urimax
Rapiflo (I want to meet the marketeer that came up with that one)

It seems that it’s the women that pee too much and the men that can’t pee enough. What happened to peeing just right?

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what the hell is going on with that Charmin Bear family?  What do they do, eat nothing but fiber sandwiches all day long?

The Blago Trial Begins!

Oh goodie!  After 18 months of anticipation, the Rod Blagojevich corruption trial has begun!

I have a sad confession to make: I voted for Blago. Twice.  And, I hate to say this, but I would probably vote for him again – even though deep down I know he is batshit crazy.  I have a soft spot for Blago because back when I was single and diagnosed with thyroid cancer and couldn’t get health insurance after my COBRA ran out, Blago mandated a program that forced major insurance companies in Illinois to pool people like me and cover us at the same cost as everyone else.  It was a life saver for me, and I’m sure many, many people like me.  Say what you will about nutty Blago, but I think he really believes he was fighting “for the people” when it came to insurance and healthcare for those that got stuck in the shitty system that everyone seems so reluctant to change.  At the time, Illinois was one of only a handful of states that had such a program, and had I lived somewhere else I would have been fucked.

Is he “cuckoo” like Mayor Daley called him back in 2009?  Yes.  Is he guilty of corruption?  Probably – but so is every other politician from this state, including those that have gone on to bigger and better things.  Anyone that lives here knows how things work – I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying that’s how it is.  This type of shit happens every single day.  Rod just made the mistake of pissing off the wrong people and thinking he was beyond reproach because, well, he’s batshit crazy, remember?  It comes full circle.

Many pundits here in Chicago think that the case against Blago is weak and he may walk.  I think that juries are basically too stupid to follow the facts (I know this from personal experience on a jury) and it is really just a crapshoot.  But, if he is convicted, then he won’t be alone:  He can join our other esteemed Governor Ryan in the big house and help us live up to the motto:

Illinois:  Where the Governors Make the License Plates.

RHONY on STJ

Okay, I know… but, lord help me, I am hooked on Bravo’s Real Housewives series, and the New York is my favorite.  Recently the “ladies” (I use that term loosely) took a vacation down to St. John (notice there is no “s” – dumbasses can’t even get the name of the island right.)  to celebrate Crazy Eyes Ramona’s vow renewal and hilarity and drama ensued.

We were actually on-island last November when they were filming, although we never saw them in town.  Much more attention was being paid to the Hooters Girls, who were also on-island shooting a calendar.  I did manage to run into them one day at the Westin Resort, as we had taken our group over there for a day on the beach with a bartender.  Problem was, beach and bar were closed for the calendar shoot.  So, tecnically, the fucking Hooters Girls got between me and my rum & diets – not a good thing. It is a good thing that there are 10,000,000 bars on STJ, so my problem was resolved rather quickly.

Anyway, I thought it was so funny watching the completed RHONY shows while knowing where they were.  The villa where they stayed  is Presidio Del Mar, one of the biggest eyesores on the island (which, also just happens to be for sale right now for the low, low price of $32 million.)  Also, they had their food catered by well-known on-island chef Mathayom Vacharat, and word is that everything was a disaster basically because the ladies were overly demanding and as far as fabulous food goes on St. John, there are slim pickins.  (Don’t believe for a minute that Bethenny cooked those meals herself.)

Why do I watch this crap?  I don’t know, honestly – I don’t.  Andy Cohen has some sort of window into my soul where he programs shows that I want – no, need – to watch.  (Either that, or I was a 29 year old gay guy from the East Coast in another life – not that there’s anything wrong with that….)

Oh, and if you are into RHONY and can admit it, you’ll love this blog of a snarky gay guy who makes incredible characatures of all the housewives.  (He also made the video above.)

I’m baaaaaaaack!

Oh, good lord – I have been away for awhile!  I had been working on a big project, which I am happy to say is done for the time being (Phase II is due by the end of September) so I can get back to what is important in life:  bitching, traveling and eating.

So, while I was gone:

• 303 Taxi Still Sucks
• I went to Chili’s again last week, and just said, “fuck it” and got some disgusting chicken boners or whatever they’re called and felt sick all night.  Last bowling until fall, so I won’t be back there any time soon, thank Jeebus.
• I still get the same amount of hits on this site whether I am writing or not.  Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

It’s good to be back in the world of the living!

Chili’s and the Menu from Hell

So I was at Chili’s the other day.  I know, I know… but we had to bowl for our fun league and that’s the only restaurant that’s near by – and if I have to eat there or at the bowling alley… well, I think Chili’s eeks out a win by a smidgen or so.  (Although the bowling alley does have fried pickles, which sounds strangely good, but I have yet to have them.)

The first thing I notice is that it is almost impossible to get anything even remotely good for you on this menu.  Oh, sure, they have their “Guiltless” section – but that only claims that the meal is 750 calories or less.  750 calories is “guiltless?”  WTF is the rest of it, then?  The thought scares me.

Second, a certain salad catches my eye:  The Quesadilla Explosion.  Now, again – I’m no marketing genius, but putting the words “quesadilla” and “explosion” in the same sentence seems like a bad idea.  Also, since it’s obviously not “guiltless” – I pass.

So, I ended up getting the basic Old Timer burger but had them sub the burger for a black bean burger.  Then, I get home and look it up and even that has 650 calories!  WTF?

No wonder we are a nation of fat-asses.

Bitch

I thought you were talented….

BTW – the real talent is Bob Fosse’s wife – in 1969.  Google: Mexican Breakfast.

Target: Rules

I was at Target today and they had this playing over and over near the Pharmacy section.  I wasn’t sure if I thought they were lucky…or not.

God, this would have been a dream job.

PS   It’s a band called Starfucker,  Gotta love it.

Snug-Etiquette

Ha ha.

Courtesy of Lamebook.

KFC Has Balls of Fat

Thanks to one of my faithful readers for giving me a heads up on this new delicacy from KFC.  May I introduce you to the KFC Double Down:  Bacon, cheese, special sauce with two pieces of fried chicken as the “bun.”   There is literally not one ingredient in this so-called sandwich that isn’t heart-stopping in it’s pure fatiness.  It’s basically squares of fat, with strips of fat, with a sauce of fat between two proteins dipped in fat and fried…. in fat.

I have to applaud KFC for having the balls to introduce this monstrosity in this day and age of White House vegetable gardens and british chefs telling us we eat crap.  It’s like KFC just gave a big fried chicken finger to all the  tofu-lovin’ organic-buyin’ tree-huggin’ namby-pamby big brother liberal crybabies out there.  America, fuck yeah!

Not sure it’s good marketing move to kill your demographic, though.

The Double Down will be available April 12. Cardiologists everywhere prepare to double down on business.