Tattoo Follies

Another good tattoo:  Camel Toe.

Someone asked me after the Blago Tatto post if I had any tattoos.  Yes, I do – three, actually.  Let’s go through them one by one:

  1. Sorority letters on my ankle – chalk that one up to “Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.”
  2. Small flower on my calf – got it in Miami when my husband was getting Chilly Willy on his calf.  Yes, Chilly Willy.  My favorite because I designed it myself.
  3. Tiny green star on my other ankle.  Got it in Chicago when my husband was adding ice cube tears to Chilly Willy.  Got infected = my last tattoo.

I’m kind of ambivalent about the tattoos now that I am older.  They are so small that you don’t really notice them, but were they really needed?  I guess the best part about them are the memories of having them done.

Chilly Willy is awesome, BTW.  One of my good friends designed it for him and it gets lots of attention wherever we go.  Why Chilly Willy?  Well, as he always says, “Why not?”

Why not, indeed.

Random Memories from a Generation Xer

Man, I am getting old….

  • Parachute Pants and Jelly Shoes
  • Orange Crush (Broncos ’77!)
  • Dilly Bars
  • Casa Bonita
  • Wearing Two Izods
  • Elitches (before it was downtown)
  • My First Car (1976 Chevette – wrecked it two weeks later)
  • Love Boat & Fantasy Island every Saturday Night!
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Fat Albert
  • TV before Remotes
  • Cheyenne Mountain Zoo
  • The Amazing VCR
  • Buckingham Square Mall
  • Musicland
  • Smoking Allowed in Theaters
  • Smoking Allowed on Planes
  • Smoking my First and  Last Cigarette in the Same Week
  • Dynamite Magazine
  • Orange Julius
  • Ocean Pacific shorts
  • Pancakes for Dinner
  • Shaun Cassidy
  • Grease
  • CB Radios
  • BJ and the Bear
  • 45s
  • K-Tel Records
  • Miles Kimball

My Love for the Chicken

Can I please tell you that I love this stuff so much, I just slather it on bread and eat it?  I love hot sauce in general, but this stuff is the bomb.  Where have you been all my life, Huy Fong?

The first time I ever had this was when I was doing a week-long river rafting tour down the Middle Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho a few years ago.  We had these awesome guides that would set up our tents each night and cook us three incredible meals a day while we fished , hiked and rafted all day.  The first morning at breakfast, the main guide was putting out the spread and was worried because he couldn’t find ‘the chicken sauce.”  I was getting worried because the last thing I’m eating for breakfast is eggs with chicken sauce as I  have a serious problem with eggs and chicken in the same meal – it seems wrong on many levels.  Turns out “the chicken sauce” was Huy Fong brand Siriacha chili sauce.  He found it, I tried it, and I’ve probably consumed 10 gallons of it since then.

The sauce is a Vietnamese-inspired sauce made from red jalapeño peppers, garlic, sugar, salt and vinegar invented by Huy Fong Food’s founder, David Tran.  He took the sauce one step further by making it his own concoction and marketed it a “sauce for everyone” instead of just for the Asian community.   There have been many imitators over the years, but no one beats Huy Fong brand.

I eat it on everything: soups, sandwiches, pizza, potatoes, sushi – you name it.  But, for some reason (must be the rooster on the label) it goes the best with eggs in any form.  Now, if they make a cocktail out of this, I may have to give up the rum.

Just kidding.

( If you’re interested, here’s an interesting article about the sauce, from the New York Times from last year._

There’s No “P” in USA

Just an observation:  When did we become a nation of problem urinators?  All I hear on the radio or see on TV are ads for drugs that either make you pee more or make you pee less.  The names sound fake if you didn’t know they were real:

PEE LESS:
Vesicare
Enablex
Detrol
Toviaz

PEE MORE:
Avodart
Flomax
Urimax
Rapiflo (I want to meet the marketeer that came up with that one)

It seems that it’s the women that pee too much and the men that can’t pee enough. What happened to peeing just right?

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what the hell is going on with that Charmin Bear family?  What do they do, eat nothing but fiber sandwiches all day long?

The Blago Trial Begins!

Oh goodie!  After 18 months of anticipation, the Rod Blagojevich corruption trial has begun!

I have a sad confession to make: I voted for Blago. Twice.  And, I hate to say this, but I would probably vote for him again – even though deep down I know he is batshit crazy.  I have a soft spot for Blago because back when I was single and diagnosed with thyroid cancer and couldn’t get health insurance after my COBRA ran out, Blago mandated a program that forced major insurance companies in Illinois to pool people like me and cover us at the same cost as everyone else.  It was a life saver for me, and I’m sure many, many people like me.  Say what you will about nutty Blago, but I think he really believes he was fighting “for the people” when it came to insurance and healthcare for those that got stuck in the shitty system that everyone seems so reluctant to change.  At the time, Illinois was one of only a handful of states that had such a program, and had I lived somewhere else I would have been fucked.

Is he “cuckoo” like Mayor Daley called him back in 2009?  Yes.  Is he guilty of corruption?  Probably – but so is every other politician from this state, including those that have gone on to bigger and better things.  Anyone that lives here knows how things work – I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying that’s how it is.  This type of shit happens every single day.  Rod just made the mistake of pissing off the wrong people and thinking he was beyond reproach because, well, he’s batshit crazy, remember?  It comes full circle.

Many pundits here in Chicago think that the case against Blago is weak and he may walk.  I think that juries are basically too stupid to follow the facts (I know this from personal experience on a jury) and it is really just a crapshoot.  But, if he is convicted, then he won’t be alone:  He can join our other esteemed Governor Ryan in the big house and help us live up to the motto:

Illinois:  Where the Governors Make the License Plates.

RHONY on STJ

Okay, I know… but, lord help me, I am hooked on Bravo’s Real Housewives series, and the New York is my favorite.  Recently the “ladies” (I use that term loosely) took a vacation down to St. John (notice there is no “s” – dumbasses can’t even get the name of the island right.)  to celebrate Crazy Eyes Ramona’s vow renewal and hilarity and drama ensued.

We were actually on-island last November when they were filming, although we never saw them in town.  Much more attention was being paid to the Hooters Girls, who were also on-island shooting a calendar.  I did manage to run into them one day at the Westin Resort, as we had taken our group over there for a day on the beach with a bartender.  Problem was, beach and bar were closed for the calendar shoot.  So, tecnically, the fucking Hooters Girls got between me and my rum & diets – not a good thing. It is a good thing that there are 10,000,000 bars on STJ, so my problem was resolved rather quickly.

Anyway, I thought it was so funny watching the completed RHONY shows while knowing where they were.  The villa where they stayed  is Presidio Del Mar, one of the biggest eyesores on the island (which, also just happens to be for sale right now for the low, low price of $32 million.)  Also, they had their food catered by well-known on-island chef Mathayom Vacharat, and word is that everything was a disaster basically because the ladies were overly demanding and as far as fabulous food goes on St. John, there are slim pickins.  (Don’t believe for a minute that Bethenny cooked those meals herself.)

Why do I watch this crap?  I don’t know, honestly – I don’t.  Andy Cohen has some sort of window into my soul where he programs shows that I want – no, need – to watch.  (Either that, or I was a 29 year old gay guy from the East Coast in another life – not that there’s anything wrong with that….)

Oh, and if you are into RHONY and can admit it, you’ll love this blog of a snarky gay guy who makes incredible characatures of all the housewives.  (He also made the video above.)